Page 30 of You Know You Wanna

“I know it sounds weird, but I feel alive for the first time in a long time,” he admitted as we stood there, and I saw the light in his eyes to back up the claim.

Soaked to the bone and trying to wait out the rain, it felt like we were in a bubble. A wet, cool bubble, but still a space of our very own where we could do and say whatever we pleased. “You deserve to feel that way, Remington. You are alive and you should live. Now. While you can and before you end up dying with too many regrets.”

His gaze settled on mine, so vibrant and sparkling right now that it was difficult to believe he’d seemed so shut off until so recently. He nodded slowly as he looked at me, then cocked his head. “You know what? You’re right. I’m going to live.”

With that, he caught my face in his big hands, pulling me closer to him, and his mouth descended on mine. Shock sped through me like wet cement had been dumped over my head, but as soon as his firm, soft lips slanted over my own, I broke out of it and parted my lips to kiss him back.

My arms shot up to wind around his thick neck, my fingers pushing into his hair as his tongue stroked mine, gently but with deliberate purpose. As we kissed, he stepped into me, molding his body to my own and making me feel dwarfed and consumed, but so wanted and so safe that I melted into him.

In that moment, I forgot about the fight he’d had with his daughter, his ex, my work, and just about everything else. Even the rain falling on us through the leaves barely made it into my awareness. There was only him, kissing me with his whole—substantial—body and wiping away everything else on our plane of existence.

We broke apart as abruptly as we’d come together, both blinking like we were equally shocked about what had just happened, but his hands lingered on my face and my fingers stayed in his hair for just another second.

I had no idea how we’d gotten here, but I did know that I wanted more. A lot more. For a lot longer than he would be staying.

15

REMINGTON

With the rain still pelting against our windows, Laurene and I decided to stay in and order room service for dinner. She was curled up on the couch, watching a movie while I tried to focus on work. Try, being the operative word of that sentence.

In reality, I was reeling from that kiss and all I wanted was to track Birdie down to do it again. The only thing keeping me from doing just that was the fact that my daughter was here with me, still pissed and now giving me the semi-silent treatment.

She responded when spoken to, but that was it. We hadn’t talked about our argument at all and it didn’t look like she’d be ready to do it anytime soon. With my recently reawakened libido raging, about a hundred emails to answer, and my brain completely unable to focus, I wasn’t really in the mood to talk about it either.

So I left it, opening the door when our food arrived and eating at the small dining table in front of me with my laptop open while she chose to eat her burger on the couch while she continued to watch her movie. I opened my mouth a few times in an attempt to make conversation, or at least open the channels of communication, but I didn’t know what to say.

During my shower earlier after I’d gotten back from the walk, it had hit me that Laurene was pissed because in her mind, her time stateside was running out. Birdie had been right. My daughter was trying to make the best of the time she had left here before she’d be forced to go to London soon, and my taking those meetings must have reminded her of why she was being sent away in the first place.

Well, that’s what she thinks, anyway. She was only half wrong, though. With my working hours being unpredictable but always long, Jacqueline had made the argument that she’d be better off at boarding school than back in Manhattan with a father who didn’t have time to pay attention to her.

Irrespective of the fact that Jacqueline herself wouldn’t be paying much attention either, she’d made it sound like Laurene would be left to her own devices in my care and that, at least at boarding school, she’d have structure and adult supervision at all times. Plus, she’d be able to visit far more often than Laurene would probably be seeing me if she stayed.

With all those thoughts now swirling through my mind all over again, my grilled chicken wrap tasted like grilled chicken crap. The guilt that had been gnawing at me for my daughter’s whole life intensified.

The decision had been made and the papers were signed but maybe there was still something I could do about it. It was a conversation I had to have with Jacqueline, at the very least.

My phone ringing pulled me out of my thoughts and I glanced at the screen to see Declan’s name on it. Blinking hard in an attempt to clear my head, I slid my thumb across the green bar and answered.

“Hey, Dec. What’s up?”

“Just checking in,” he said cheerfully. “You’re sounding very relaxed. The visit is going well, I assume?”

I glanced at Laurene, who didn’t appear to be listening but definitely was. “As well as can be expected. The fresh air has been good for us and we’ve been getting a lot of exercise outside. Laurene even convinced me to try yoga.”

Laughter like machine gun fire sounded through the phone. “Wow, sounds like you’re becoming a new man.”

My daughter snorted just loud enough for me to hear it.

“I’m a work in progress, okay?” I said, speaking to both of them.

“Good,” he said. “That’s good. I’m glad you two have some time to yourselves after that shit show. You all needed it.”

The shit show in question, of course, was my divorce. I shrugged. “Yeah, we needed it for sure. How are things going over there?”

“Everything is under control,” he said confidently. “I heard you didn’t make some of your meetings today. What’s up with that?”

I glanced at Laurene again. “Some stuff came up. I’ve already rescheduled.”