Page 16 of You Know You Wanna

“It wasn’t quite that simple, honey,” I said, probably gentler than I’d ever been with her. An ache spread through my insides. “You going with your mom was decided upon while we were hashing out the divorce.”

“So you’re just going to let her take me?” she practically shouted.

We broke free of the trees and came into the clearing beside a gorgeous, picturesque lake with a surface like a mirror and a quaint little dock with rowboats tied to it.

Birds took off somewhere overhead at her outburst and my heart sank further. “It’s not that I’m letting her take you, Lulu. She’s your mom and I didn’t like agreeing to those terms, but I couldn’t argue that, as an almost teenage girl, you didn’t need your mother around. Of course, you need her. You’re a girl and she’s your mom.”

“She’s not going to be around.” Tears filled her eyes, and even though she tried, she couldn’t quite blink them away. “I’m serious, Daddy. I don’t want to go. Can’t I just stay with you, please? All my friends are going to Primrose Academy and I don’t want to start all over on the other side of the damn world.”

“Don’t say damn,” I responded on instinct, then let out a long breath and shook my head. “Actually, say whatever you want. I didn’t know you felt this way and I’m sorry I didn’t ask, but I don’t think it would’ve made any difference. Your mom insisted on joint custody and I hate the fact that you’re leaving, but there’s nothing I can do about it unless she agrees to let you stay, and she’s not going to do that because she loves you.”

“No, it’s to spite you!” she yelled, her little hands rolling into fists at her sides as she trembled with rage. “She insisted on joint custody to spite you and you let her get her away with it. If she did it because she loves me, why is she sticking me in some boarding school in London for the year when she’s on a yacht off the coast of Italy?”

“Mommy—”

“She’s not my Mommy,” Laurene spat with those tears now welling heavily on her lids. “She’s Jacqueline Carnegie Ford, socialite extraordinaire who only wants to display me at boarding school like a trophy in a case.”

Before I could say anything else, she took off running toward the water. “I’m serious, Daddy! I’d rather jump off the dock than go. That’s how badly I want to stay.”

I arched my eyebrows at her, walking slowly to the edge of the dock but not following her onto it. “Prove it, then. Jump.”

To my complete and utter surprise, she did. With a great, pained-sounding cry, she threw herself into the lake. I watched for a moment, knowing she could swim, but she didn’t come back up. My heart tripped over itself, pounding. I ran into the water and searched furiously, not minding the cold bite of it. I found her and fished her out.

Panting and soaked, I towed her back to shore and collapsed on the grassy sand, staring up at the sky. Laurene scrambled to her feet. She was completely in tears now, her head shaking as she jabbed her index finger at me, her eyes so narrow that I couldn’t see the blue of them at all.

“You and my mother messed everything up!” she yelled, then ran back off to the resort, breaking into a full sprint before she’d even reached the tree line.

Shockwaves radiated through me. I’d never claimed to be the best or the most attentive father. In fact, I knew I wasn’t. I was almost always working and I’d left her with nannies to be raised while I justified it to myself by paying said nannies a small fortune to take care of her for us.

As I lay there though, under the bright sunshine, drenched and having just been yelled at by my twelve-year old, I realized that Laurene was in a much worse place mentally than I’d thought—and that I had no real ideas about how to help her.

8

BIRDIE

I didn’t teach the barre class, but I liked attending it. The room was full of like-minded women sharing some ice-cold cucumber-infused water while we milled around, waiting for the session to begin. After getting caught up with those I knew, I decided to start warming up and hoped that I’d be seeing Laurene here tonight.

It felt like it’d be good for her to attend, and I smiled when I straightened up out of a stretch to see her walking into the room. She gave me a quick, wobbly smile in return but made her way over to the corner pretty fast and all but cowered there. I frowned, wondering if she was shy or if she was just intimidated by walking into a room full of strange women.

Either way, I figured I’d make her feel a bit more at home. Crossing the room to her, I smiled again. “Hey, Laurene. I’m glad you could make it. Dorothea should be here any minute. She lives in town, so she drives out after work, but it shouldn’t be long.”

“My friends call me Lulu,” she said quietly, not quite meeting my gaze. “I prefer that, to be honest.”

“Okay, Lulu,” I said, surprised but pleased that she considered me a friend already. “Do you want to stand with me for the class?”

She gave me a jerky nod, joining me. Dorothea finally walked in. Clapping her hands, she put us straight to work warming up. As I watched, Lulu seemed to loosen up almost immediately, intently focused on listening and carrying out the teacher’s every instruction.

She’s really pretty good at this, I thought as the class began. By the time it was done, I was wondering why her father had thought she wouldn’t enjoy it. The girl seemed to be in her element in there and I was more curious about her now than ever.

“How was your day?” I asked as we walked out together. “James mentioned something about a hike?”

“Yeah, my dad dragged me down to the lake.”

“That’s one of my favorites.” I smiled. “Did you like it?”

She shrugged. “It was fine.”

Falling quiet as we left the studio, she seemed even more miserable than she had before. Tears shimmered in her eyes and those little shoulders were slumped. All the life and excitement I’d seen in her just a minute ago during the class was suddenly long gone.