Page 87 of Fake It For Him

What she planned on doing once she got there, I could only guess. It probably involved borrowing a car, getting a cab, or even bewitching a damn broomstick. Whatever got her away from the family compound the fastest.

Breathing hard, I raced after her, only calling out once I got a little closer. “Ella! Wait. Stop. We need to talk.”

I saw her stiffen, but she didn’t stop moving, hurrying across the snowy ground as fast as her feet could carry her. “Leave me alone, Calan. I don’t want to talk.”

Shivering like a leaf and obviously angry, she hugged herself tighter, keeping her head down as she broke into a jog. I followed after her, already sliding my jacket off so I could give it to her. “Let’s just get back inside. It’s freezing out here. If you still want to leave, I can call a car. We don’t need to run all the way home.”

“You might not have to, but I do. I can’t go back there, Calan! You embarrassed me. I can never show my face in front of your family again. Just let me go.”

“No.” I fell into step beside her, racing to keep up. “Here. At least take my jacket.”

I started spreading the material to drape it around her shoulders, but she shook her head. “I don’t want your jacket. I don’t want anything from you. I knew this was going to end badly. I fucking knew it.”

“Hey, it hasn’t ended,” I reasoned. My heart pounded wildly when I realized that this might be it. This might be the end. For real now. Forever. “Can we please just talk?”

“No.” She finally glanced up at me, tears still rolling down her cheeks and her face contorted in pain. “I should’ve listened to my gut and not even come to the wedding. As soon as Freya’s friendship was on the line, we should’ve called it. I never wanted to hurt her or your family, and now I just feel like yet another tool used against them.”

“That’s not fair, Ella. I didn’t do this with bad intentions. You know that. You know exactly why I approached Faux’s.”

She scoffed, her head shaking. Misery and dejection shone from those eyes even as she kept hurrying along. “No, Calan. I don’t know any of that. I thought I did, but now, I’m not so sure. I don’t know if I can believe anything you say.”

“What? Why not?”

Her jaw slackened and she threw a hand out in the direction of the distillery. “What kind of person does that at his sister’s wedding? You told me you were doing all of this for her, but if that was true, you wouldn’t have chucked a live hand grenade at her on the biggest day of her life so far. Right now, I don’t believe you and I don’t even feel like I ever really knew you at all.”

Each one of her words stung, but I couldn’t give up. I couldn’t just let her go. “Look, I can explain that. I swear I didn’t do it to ruin Freya’s wedding.”

Ella snorted, her eyes narrowing as she shook her head. “There’s always an explanation with you, isn’t there? You’re fucking allergic to taking responsibility. You dragged me into this and now I’m part of the reason she’s going to look back on today with such horrible memories.”

“I dragged you into this?” I knew we were getting off subject here, but shit. If she was so guilt-ridden over her part in ruining the wedding, I wasn’t going to get anywhere with the other stuff before we got that part straight. “You came into it with your eyes wide open, Ella. You knew what we were doing and you knew why. None of that has changed. Can we please just⁠—”

“It hasn’t changed?” she yelled at me, head shaking. She screwed her eyes shut with fresh tears running down her cheeks. “Everything has changed, Calan. Everything! You changed it. How many times did I try to walk away? How many times have I told you that we can’t keep lying to them?”

I stood my ground, needing to make her see. “What’s changed, Ella? You needed money and you’ll be getting it. I know you tried to walk away, but it’s not like you were kicking and screaming the whole time and didn’t stand to gain anything. You sure had no problem with it when we were having sex.”

Her eyes went wide and I practically saw the hurt cascading over her as her pretty face fell. “You really are an asshole. Just stay away from me, Calan. I mean it.”

She spun and marched away. I wanted to yell back at her, remind her that this wasn’t all my fault and that the only thing that had changed was that my family knew the truth now—because of me—but I didn’t have it in me.

All the wrong things had already come out, and as I watched her trudge through the snow in her high heels, I realized that if I had any chance at all to deescalate the situation, I needed to stop focusing on the wrong things. So what if she blamed me? So what if she doubted me?

She was wracked by guilt, and since I’d been the one who fucked up, obviously she was lashing out at me. What it came down to was that I still hadn’t explained myself and I still didn’t want to lose her.

I just needed to stop saying the wrong fucking things. Kicking my feet into motion again, I followed her and wrapped my jacket around her shoulders without asking this time.

She tried to push me off. “Don’t.”

“Ella, just take it. At least I’m wearing long sleeves and an undershirt. You’re going to freeze to death before we even get to the house.”

She didn’t react immediately, but eventually, she conceded, wrapping the fabric around herself and holding it closed in front of her chest. It’s not much, but it’s something.

Since she was still shivering, I moved in close to her side, draping my arm around her as both of us froze our asses off. Neither of us said anything else, though. I still felt like I could feel her pain slicing through the center of my being and I hated knowing I was responsible for it, but I didn’t know what to do or say to take it away.

I didn’t know how not to make it worse.

It felt like I’d end up causing more damage if I opened my mouth again, so I kept it closed until we stepped into the guest house. The warmth of the interior washed over me and I breathed out in relief. I guided her straight to the lit fire in the hearth and stood right there with her as I waited to defrost a little.

Once my brain felt a little less frozen, I drew in a deep breath through my nostrils. “I’m sorry, Ella. I didn’t mean for any of that to happen the way it did. What do you need? How can I make it up to you?”