Page 50 of Fake It For Him

“Yep.” I squeezed my eyes shut and took another gulp of my wine.

With all the adrenaline coursing through me, I was drinking this stuff like water but I wasn’t starting to feel tipsy. I was probably too wound up for it to have that effect. Or something.

“All of his friends turned their backs on him after I told them everything,” I admitted. “We had some mutual friends from high school and they took my side. The friends he made in law school didn’t want to be associated with him once the truth came out. I think they were scared that it would tank their careers too.”

Calan whistled between his teeth. “I’d imagine, yeah. You wouldn’t want to get any of that spatter on you when you’re first starting out as a lawyer. What about his family?”

“I went to them too and they were furious with him. They wanted nothing to do with him at first. I’m not sure if they ever forgave him, but his parents took some heat for using their connections to wipe his record clean. I’m not sure what happened with all of that. I also don’t know if it wrecked our parents’ friendship, but it could have.”

My throat grew tight. “The ripple effects were insane. Pretty much everyone around him felt them and everyone else distanced themselves before it could get to them, too.”

More tears pricked at the backs of my eyes. Reliving all of this was doing a number on my soul, making it feel dirty and tainted all over again. If I had known then how far-reaching the effects would be, I wasn’t sure if I’d still have done it.

I’d meant to hurt him, and sure, I’d wanted to destroy his life just as I felt like he’d done to mine, but I hadn’t intended to bring so many other people down with him. I definitely hadn’t intended to hurt his parents.

That was the problem with revenge, though. For just a few seconds when I’d realized I’d gotten it, it’d felt so darn good. I stood back and watched him burn, but then those flames had caught up to me, tarnishing my being for the rest of eternity.

Because once I’d set that fire, there had been no taking it back. No getting control over it again once it started burning.

I blinked away the fresh tears and sucked in a deep breath. “After he lost his dream job at that firm, he lost out on plenty of other offers too. Stuff like this tends to spread like wildfire, and to this day, no big law firm will take him on.”

“To this day?”

I nodded. “Last I heard, yes. Apparently, all the top firms have blackballed him. I haven’t seen him or spoken to him, but Kara said he still has a lot of work to do to fix his reputation. He’s been trying to work his way up, but he still hasn’t fully recovered yet.”

“Yeah, well, he’s an asshole. So am I.” Those long fingers dropped out of his hair and he looked me right in the eyes. “All of us assholes have to take the consequences of our actions, Ella. It’s just how it works. He fucked up, and if he’s still paying for it, then he can just join the fucking club.”

“I’m an asshole too,” I said after a moment. “I took way more from him than was my right. I could’ve stopped after I emailed his firm about his past transgressions. After I spoke to his family. His friends. But I didn’t. I took a burning torch to every aspect of his life and set it all on fire. That means that I have to take the consequences of my actions too, and I am, which is why I left and why I will leave again. To give him space to rebuild what I burned down.”

His dark eyes burned into mine. “You don’t have to leave, Ella. Those transgressions should never have been wiped from his records in the first place. He should’ve taken accountability for them and found a way to make his dream happen regardless. What you did wouldn’t have worked if he hadn’t been a connected snob who thought his parents’ friends owed it to him to clean up his messes.”

“Well, maybe, but my point is that we’ve all made mistakes, Calan. Sure, some of us have made bigger mistakes than others, but if your family can’t forgive you for yours? Well, I can.”

Before I even realized what was happening, he closed the distance between us in a few long strides, took my face in his strong hands, and kissed me in a way that took my breath away.

His lips were firm and soft, but the kiss was hard and meaningful, his tongue demanding access that I gave willingly, parting my lips. I kissed him back with everything I had. As I did, relief washed over me.

We’d just had the hardest of conversations, baring our souls and our deepest pain to one another, and here we were on the other side, kissing each other like we needed to as much as we needed to keep breathing. There was definitely acceptance in this kiss, but there was so much more than that as well.

It felt like affirmation. Understanding. Solidarity.

We’d kissed before—quite a lot, actually—but this time was different. Those kisses that had happened before had set me on fire, but this one? It was a slow burn that had started someplace much deeper, and it was a burn that felt like it was consuming me, blazing away the sins of my past and his, and like it was going to leave us both raw but new on the other side.

Calan wasn’t a guy I should’ve been kissing like this. Hell, I wouldn’t have even thought he was capable of kissing like this, but he definitely was, and it felt so damn right that I didn’t even consider putting a stop to it.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I reminded myself that he’d predicted so crudely that this would happen. That we’d hook up again and that I would be back for more. I also remembered how I’d felt when he’d said it and I knew damn well that I’d resolved to keep him at arm’s length, but none of that mattered to me right now.

My eyes were wide open—metaphorically, anyway. I knew Calan was no knight in shining armor. He wasn’t the man I was going to marry or the guy who was interested in my heart.

But right now, he was my reprieve. My sanctuary from the turmoil I’d stirred up by talking about everything that had happened. In a way, he might even be my redemption.

His family might not have forgiven him just like mine hadn’t and never would forgive me, but right here and right now, we didn’t need them to. I’d forgiven him, and if the way he was kissing me said anything, he’d forgiven me too.

27

CALAN

Ella moaned into my mouth, her fingers in my hair as she pressed herself into me. As always, the feel of her soft curves against my body got me hard in the space between one heartbeat and the next, and I swept my tongue into her mouth, kissing like I doubted I’d ever kissed anyone before.