Page 46 of Fake It For Him

With his back turned to me as he poked at the frozen sauce, all I could see was the rigid line of his shoulders and how his back was held ramrod straight. Even in his own home, he was in one of his fancy suits, although at least his jacket was off.

The hunter green button-down he wore was rolled up to his elbows, exposing those muscular forearms as he continued poking at the sauce like it’d personally offended him. He still hadn’t told me off or kicked me out, though.

I’d already had plans to have takeout for dinner, so if I didn’t get to eat with him after all, it wasn’t like I’d starve. Besides, I was poking the bear and the bear was letting me. Maybe I lacked that self-preservation instinct, but I’d made it this far and survived.

At this point, I didn’t have much to lose by pushing. “I’m sure no one in your family wants it to be fractured like this. Freya mentioned that you all used to be real close, so I’m sure she’s not the only one who misses you. It must be really hard on your mother too, and I bet your father has a hole in his life that you used to fill⁠—”

“Enough.” His voice was a low growl. He rounded on me, those dark eyes flashing in a way that warned me he was about to erupt.

I wasn’t scared of him, though. Calan held that strange magnetism that drew me to him, but he’d never frightened me. Sure, he was all alpha, and in control, and he definitely had a power over me I couldn’t explain, but I just had this instinct that he’d never deliberately hurt me.

“You don’t have any fucking idea what you’re talking about, Ella. I’m not paying you to be our family therapist.”

There were so many comebacks that leaped to mind, but instead of uttering any of them, I simply shrugged. “Sorry.”

His temper sizzled for a moment. His jaw sharpened and those eyes kept flashing, but then he blinked it away and took a deep breath. “No, I’m sorry, Ella. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It’s just…”

For a moment, I thought he wasn’t going to finish. I was already surprised that he was offering me an apology I hadn’t been expecting and certainly didn’t deserve after how hard I’d pushed, but it surprised me even more when he explained.

“It’s just that this is a sore spot for me.”

As he said it, he winced like it caused him pain just to say the words out loud.

“Why? You’re the one who betrayed them. Why is this so triggering for you? Why did you even do it in the first place?”

Calan glanced at the open bottle of wine and then topped off our drinks even though neither of us had even really touched them. As our dinner cooked, he leaned against the counter and took a long sip from his glass.

He searched my eyes as he swallowed, like he was trying to decide if he could trust me or not. When he did speak, the revelation surprised me all over again.

“I know I messed things up,” he said, his voice gentler than I’d realized it could be. “I never should’ve slept with Aspen. That was her name. I don’t know if Freya told you, but her name was Aspen.”

“She didn’t mention it.”

He nodded curtly, a wry smile spreading on his lips. “That name is like our family’s version of Voldemort these days. I’m not surprised she didn’t say it.”

“Voldemort, huh? I didn’t take you for the type who read those books.”

He scoffed. “They were all the rage when I was a kid. I mean, come on, everyone in the world at this point knows that reference. I read them, alright. I watched all the movies too, but before we get completely sidetracked, you should know there was a lot more to it than just some one-night affair.”

“Should I, though? Know about it, I mean? You don’t owe me any explanations. I want to know, but I think Freya and the rest of your family need to know.”

His eyes flicked from one of mine to the other, dark and intense, and he just watched me for a minute. “I’ve tried to give them that explanation you think I owe them, but they shut me down. Just after it happened, I tried to tell them the truth, but they painted me as an adulterer who had chosen her over them.”

I tried to remain impassive, but my eyes definitely widened a bit and my jaw slackened. I was desperately curious to know more and I was practically salivating over all this unexpected information, but at the same time, I didn’t want him to think I was judging him or taking sides.

Calan tipped his head back and drew in a deep breath as the sauce simmered in the pan behind him. “My entire family decided I was this wicked asshole who’d had bad intentions all along. They made it pretty clear that they didn’t see me as one of them anymore.”

Ouch. “Sadly, I know the feeling. It seems we have more in common than we thought.”

He arched a brow at me but didn’t ask any questions just yet. We were talking about him for now, and it looked like he was going to go ahead and give me the answers I was so curious about. No doubt he’d be expecting some quid pro quo later, but I’d cross that bridge when we got to it.

“My father told me I was no son of his. My mother wept for Finn and lashed out at me for getting drunk, and Finn, as you saw in Edinburgh, punched me.”

“What about Freya?” I asked softly.

Calan sighed and dragged his fingers through that thick dark hair, shaking his head as a sad smile appeared on his lips. “I broke her heart. She begged me to keep trying to make amends, just like you suggested too, but when I decided to leave the estate and give up my stake in the distillery, she gave up on me as well. She was the only one who could look past what I did, though. The only one who still wanted me around.”

“Have you tried explaining to her why you left? Why you gave up your stake in the distillery? I think all she really wants is an honest conversation. Kind of like the one we’re having right now.”