Page 77 of All for Love

“I’ve always been the reckless one,” I said slowly. “It was the same back when we were kids. I was the one who’d kick off my shoes and strip off my shirt, jump into the lake, and hope there weren’t any rocks underneath me. Kaden would go change into his trunks and walk in from the shore, carefully testing the depth and figuring out where any possible hurdles were before he got out again and then he’d jump.”

Mercedes nodded, but she still didn’t say anything.

“I’m the one with the silver tongue who gets what I want when I want it. You’d think that would be an advantage for me, and professionally, it has been, but I had to talk my way into a sales position here at Wagner. Kaden was given his role by our dad. Didn’t have to ask for it or talk about it at all.”

Her eyes widened as she stared at me like I’d grown a clit between my eyebrows. “I didn’t know that.”

I sighed, shrugging my shoulders, and offered a sad smile. “Nobody does. It’s not something I like to broadcast and my dad isn’t too proud of it nowadays either. He likes to pretend that he treats us the same, but he doesn’t. He never has.”

She stared at me, then came over, pushing her thighs between my legs and getting as close as she could to being on my lap. Lifting her hands, she looked into my eyes and stroked the back of my head.

I fucking love it when she does that.

It was intimate in a way that had nothing to do with passion or lust or even chemistry. Instead, it was genuine compassion for me. It made me feel taken care of. Worthy to have someone take care of me. Hell, it even made me feel loved for the first time in fucking years.

Since my mother had made me feel loved. God knew, I’d never felt that from my father. While I knew Mercedes didn’t actually love me, that didn’t matter as much as I might’ve thought it would. The fact was that it made me feel that way, and that was worth everything to me.

“I’ve never been enough for my dad,” I admitted in a voice barely above a whisper. “Every move I make is silently being compared to what Kaden is doing. Thing is, it’s not my brother’s fault, so I can’t resent him for it.”

I rested my head against her, winding my arms around her waist and just holding her as I kept going. “I love the hell out of Kaden and I respect him just as much. Sometimes, even I wish I could be more strait-laced. It’s not always fun being the troublemaker. The black sheep. I lean into it because that’s the role I’ve been given, but the truth is that I’ve often wondered what it’s like for him.”

“What do you mean?” she murmured, still brushing her fingers through my hair.

I closed my eyes. She couldn’t see it, but I’d never confessed any of this to anyone and it was hurting me to say it out loud. I wanted to keep going since I also felt a not insignificant measure of relief with every bad emotion being put out there, but damn. This opening up thing was not a fun process.

“I just wonder what it’s been like for Kaden to live an almost parallel life to mine, you know? To never have to feel any of these things even though we look the same and we grew up in the same house. With the same father. We’re working at the same company, but he’s never had to deal with any of these things that are basically defining my life at this point.”

“Odds are, he has these feelings too,” she said gently. “Or something similar, at least. Have you ever talked to him about this stuff?”

I snorted softly and shook my head. “Hell, no. We drink beer. We talk business. We talk about life. We do not get all teary-eyed while searching each other’s souls for our worst, deepest emotions.”

She chuckled. “You can talk about it without doing it quite like that. It might be a good idea to consider discussing it with him.”

After holding me for another moment, she gave me a tender kiss and then pulled away. “I have to go back to work. I have some loose ends to wrap up this week and I want to make sure your staff is fully trained before I leave.”

Catching her hand when she started moving away, I pulled her back to me for one more kiss. “I don’t want you to go. Can’t you stay?”

She smiled against my lips before pressing her forehead against mine. “I don’t want to go either, but this was never a forever deal. Your father gave me a three-month contract, and I’m going to be going over some things in your other branches, but I made good time. It’s probably best if I get out and start with other contracts in the new year while smoothing out the transitions company-wide for you guys.”

“You’re still coming to the office party on the twenty-second, right?”

“Do you want me to?”

I nodded. “I’m always going to want you to.”

She smiled, promised to think about it, and then pressed a final kiss to the tip of my nose before she left. I watched her go—not even staring at her ass once—and felt like a gaping chasm was opening up right at the center of my chest when I realized that this was her last week here at Wagner Industries.

The last week her office would be right down the hall from mine. Not so long ago, I had thought I would be dancing naked on a table to celebrate her being gone, but now things were different. I didn’t want her to go. Not ever.

I wanted her here. With me. A place where I was increasingly certain she truly belonged.