Page 29 of All for Love

“I thought that was good help.”

She shrugged and waggled her eyebrows at me. “Sex is a kind of help, right? Besides, it’s true. It’s shockingly difficult to find a person who’s actually good at it. You found one. Maybe it’s not such a big deal that you rose to the bait knowing what you were getting into.”

“Yeah, but I’m also scared of where it’s going,” I admitted. “I don’t understand this power he seems to hold over me. Good sex aside, he’s really not a nice person. He’s an alpha-male jerk, and that’s so not the kind of guy I usually fall for.”

“Fall for?” Ellora cocked her head again, this time letting it drop almost all the way to her shoulder as she gave me a wide-eyed stare. “What the hell do you mean, fall for?”

I shook my head and pulled a face, feeling my stomach swirl with nausea over the words that had just slipped out. “No! That’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean fall for as in fall in love with. I meant fall for as in falling for his tricks.”

“He tricked you into sleeping with him again?”

I wanted to say yes so damn bad, but it just wasn’t true and there was no point in discussing it with her at all if I was going to lie. “No, that’s not it either. It’s just that I knew what he was doing and I’m not one to fall for stuff like that, you know? I just let it go.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“That’s the problem.” I took a sip of my disgusting smoothie, but I was trying to convince myself it was delicious. It wasn’t, though. I had to force it down, but once it hit my stomach, the nausea really got going. “He’s not the kind of guy I usually let myself get close to, but I can’t seem to be able to help it with him. I mean, here I am, hooking up with him at my mom’s wedding and then a family dinner? It’s crude. And offensive. And—”

“Hot?” Ellora finished for me, and I nodded.

Letting out a heavy sigh, I set the disgusting smoothie down and buried my face in my hands. “So, so hot. Like the hottest thing I’ve ever done, and now I can’t stop thinking about him. Kody Wagner exists in my mind constantly and he has since the first time we got together. Last night just proved that I’m not getting over it. It’s driving me crazy.”

“Why? If it’s that hot, I’d be thinking about it all the time too. Anyone would. He’s hot. The sex is hot. What’s not to think about?”

“I hate him, that’s what. I hate his guts with the passion of a thousand burning suns, and all I can think about is ripping his clothes off. All I want is for him to rip mine off. It’s disgusting.”

“It’s biology,” she countered.

“No, it’s bullshit.” I propped my elbow on the table and dropped my chin in my open palm, misery settling over me like a blanket after everything I just admitted out loud. “I need to get a handle on this thing.”

“I agree, but only if you’re sure you don’t want to keep doing it. I know you’re scared of where it’s going to go, but this is Kody Wagner you’re talking about. It ain’t going to go much further than the nearest bed.”

“Or bathroom.”

“Bathroom?” Her eyes rounded again before she put her hands together and cheered for me. “Way to go, girl. I didn’t take you for a quickie in the bathroom kind of gal, but that’s awesome. Was it as good as last time?”

I groaned. “We’re not talking about it.”

“So that’s a yes.”

“No.”

She let out a disappointed sigh. “Was he a one-hit wonder then?”

“No. We’re just not talking about the actual sex. If I talk about it, I’m going to want it again even more than I already do, and I really do need to get a handle on it before it gets too big and spirals out of control.”

“Again, this is Kody Wagner we’re talking about. It’s not going to get any bigger than sex. Even if it does, it’s not like you’re related to him.”

“I know, but I couldn’t deal with the embarrassment if our families find out. And what if word spreads further than just the family? What if other people find out? It would be a complete disaster.”

“No, it won’t,” she said soothingly. “Obviously, it’s better if people don’t find out you’re sleeping with your stepbrother. There’s a definite element of taboo there, even if you don’t have that kind of relationship, but the point is that it wouldn’t be a disaster. Embarrassing, yes. A disaster, no.”

“It would be a disaster.” My head spun from the realizations I was coming to. “There is a definite element of taboo there. If people find out I’ve slept with my stepbrother, it could tarnish my business. I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am, and this could ruin it all.”

Ellora opened her mouth to speak, but I shook my head. “No. I can’t let that happen. I just can’t. I have to find a way to make sure Kody knows we’re done for real. For good this time.”

It wasn’t just Kody who had to get that through his thick skull, though. I had to somehow make myself believe it as well.

Last night, I’d let him get to me, and then, in that bathroom, I’d made the conscious decision to keep going despite knowing that I should’ve gotten out of there. I should never have taken him to said bathroom to begin with, but that aside, I’d carried on because I’d wanted to.

There had been nothing in the world I’d wanted more than him in that moment, and I had a feeling that if I found myself in a similar position in the future, I’d be right back there, wanting him more than anything and not giving a damn about the consequences.

Somehow, I needed to convince the both of us that twice was enough. After the first time, I’d told him it had been a mistake. Last night had been another mistake, but I had to stick to my resolve this time.

Twice had been enough. Two mistakes. If we kept doing it after that, it wasn’t just a mistake or a rematch anymore, it was a relationship. And we absolutely could not be in one of those.

Not even tacitly. Not accidentally.

And definitely not carnally as friends with benefits or whatever else people called it.

Kody Wagner and I were done. We had to be.

Now I just had to find a way to end something that had never even officially started.