Page 91 of Fake It For Glory

JENSEN

Ifelt like I’d been hit by a truck. The momentum I had built for the launch was gone, and in its place was a gaping void of uncertainty and devastation. The Full Disclosure article had slammed the brakes on everything I had worked so hard to achieve, and it was a bitter pill to swallow. It was a wildfire in a forest that hadn’t seen rain in years. Once the match was lit, there was no stopping it. It would take another force of nature to stop the hemorrhaging.

Hattie had been in tears multiple times throughout the day, and I had been helpless to comfort her. The weight of the situation was crushing, and it seemed like I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to salvage what I could. Never before had Hattie let anything get to her like this did.

I knew it was the guilt. She encouraged me to go to Faux’s. She wanted me to have a woman on my arm to soften my image. I didn’t blame her. I was the one that chose Merida without bothering to find out who she was. Della had called me a couple of times and I never returned her calls. I assumed she was calling to work out the payment or to see how things were going. Now, I wondered if she was calling to warn me who Merida was after she ran her background check.

It wasn’t Hattie’s fault I slept with Merida and it was definitely not her fault I ran my big mouth in front of what was a virtual stranger. I carried that blame. It was my fault. My choices had led us to where we were.

My staff, who had been so dedicated and enthusiastic about the launch, were drowning under the stress of the fallout. It was heartbreaking to see their spirits dampened by the chaos that had erupted in the wake of the article. I had to find a way to rally them, to reignite their motivation and belief in our project.

But as I looked around at the disarray, the anger and frustration building inside me, I couldn’t help but feel like I was standing at the precipice of a disaster that I had no control over. The road ahead was uncertain and treacherous, and I had to find a way to navigate it, no matter how daunting the journey might be.

As the end of the day drew near, I found a quiet moment to lean against the wall out in the bullpen, away from my office. The chaos of the day was finally starting to subside as people began to sign off their computers. I decided to confront the most painful part of the Full Disclosure article—the section where I was portrayed as a bully who berated my staff.

I liked my people. Yes, I got frustrated and I probably didn’t handle it in the best way. I supposed I never really considered how it might make them feel. I had a pretty good employee-retention rate. Most of the people that worked for me had been with me for years. If I was such a monster to work for, wouldn’t they have left?

But it didn’t matter what I thought. Their opinions and feelings mattered. I went back to my office and quietly closed the door. I needed to read through every damn line of the article. It was essentially my performance review. As the boss, I never got put in check when I stepped out of line. Hattie would mention something to me, but she knew there was no consequence she could enforce. I was her boss.

Taking a deep breath, I began to read those damning words, the anger and shame bubbling up inside me. It was excruciating to relive those moments, to see how my actions had been portrayed for the world to see. I knew what I had to do.

I walked out of my office, hoping to catch anyone before they left for the day. I knew if I didn’t say something now, there were a few people that probably wouldn’t bother to come back in the morning.

I cleared my throat loudly. “I assume you’ve all read the article that’s caused all this havoc,” I started, my tone heavy with regret and humility. People nodded, their eyes avoiding mine.

“I want to apologize,” I continued, my voice unwavering. “I’m deeply sorry for how I’ve treated you, for the way I’ve acted in the past. The article may have exaggerated some things, but there’s truth in it too, and that’s on me.”

My staff exchanged glances, their expressions a mix of surprise and uncertainty. It was a vulnerable moment for me, one that I had never imagined having to face. But I had to acknowledge my mistakes and make amends if I had any hope of rebuilding trust and moving forward. My launch was probably fucked, but I still had the tech. I could still put it out there and I would need my people ready to rally when the thing took off like I was confident it would. Assuming the public was willing to give something the evil Jensen Loxley produced a chance.

“I’ve let my own ambition and drive cloud my judgment,” I admitted, my voice softer now. “I’ve pushed too hard, and I’ve been demanding in ways that were unfair to all of you. I want you to know that I’m committed to making things right, to being a better leader and teammate. Your hard work and dedication deserve better.”

As I finished speaking, my words hung in the air, and I waited for their response, hoping that they would see the sincerity in my apology and give me a chance to make amends.

As I stood there, feeling a deep sense of shame, I had to confront the fact that I had failed as a leader at times. I had lost my cool with my staff, and during moments of high pressure, I had let my emotions get the best of me. It was a side of myself I didn’t like. I didn’t want to be that guy.

“I want you guys to know, I’m going to do better. I’m going to try and put myself in check when I feel myself getting frustrated. I’m not perfect. I’m going to slip, but I promise all of you I am going to make the effort to change my ways. I hope you all give me another chance to show you I’m not a bad guy. I’m a guy that makes some bad choices and has bad days. I vow to do better.”

One of the developers piped up. “This is tech, boss,” he said. “Every job I’ve ever had has moments where the pressure is breathing down your neck. Anyone is bound to crack every now and then.”

His words were followed by nods of agreement from others in the room. “You make up for it with quarterly bonuses,” a woman chimed in with a sympathetic smile.

“And the best benefits in the business,” another added. “You let me take a year off when my baby was born without losing any income, and you still gave me raises.”

“You covered my Christmas shopping last year when you found out my mother was sick, and the medical bills ate into our budget,” someone else shared.

Listening to their words, I was overwhelmed with a mix of emotions—relief, gratitude, and a renewed sense of purpose. These were the moments that truly mattered, the moments that reminded me why I had started this journey in the first place. My staff wasn’t just a team. They were a family, and I had a responsibility to be the leader they deserved.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized the depth of their forgiveness and support. It was a turning point, a chance to make amends and be a better leader. With a renewed sense of determination, I would do everything in my power to live up to their faith in me and to create an environment where they could thrive and succeed.

I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude toward my team. “Thank you,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you all for reminding me of what’s truly important.”

I took a deep breath and looked around the room, meeting the eyes of each of my team members. “You’re right,” I said, my voice gaining strength. “This is tech, and it’s tough. But that’s no excuse for the way I’ve been behaving. I want to be a better boss, a better leader, and a better person. And I promise to make the effort, every single day. Hattie is going to help me, right?”

She smiled, wiping tears as she nodded. “I can’t wait to tell you you’re being an asshole.”

Everyone laughed. The mood was lifting.

“Guys, I cannot possibly predict what’s going to happen in the next week or the next month, but I’m asking all of you to hang in there. Yes, the company has taken a hit. We’ve lost some investors, but I can still keep things afloat. I have every intention of launching Lox. You all worked hard on this tech and I want you all to reap the rewards when it takes off. It will take off. I know it. But I also need to prepare all of you for some rough waters ahead. This is just getting started. If you guys want to jump ship, I can’t stop you. But if you stick with me, you will be rewarded.”