Page 90 of Unfettered

“And then, when things were finally going well, when you were engaged and planning to be married, you were forcibly ripped away. Then you were stuck waiting for rescue, when this whole time you’ve always been the one to rescue others.”

I shudder, hating the words that pelt at me. Fuck. It’s so damn accurate, and so damn frustrating. The tears overflow my ability to choke them back, because I know what comes next. The sins. The fucking unforgiveable sins. But as much as he talks about mercy, Brannigan doesn’t give me any.

“You came back changed. You bonded with Cristian, and in your absence, the Families melded together. Betraying everything you were taught, what you believed in. The strength you relied on your whole life…your motto and the way you lived… Gone.

“At that point, you broke. It’s reasonable. Would you blame Lio if he broke?”

I shake my head, because he’s right. I wouldn’t. But I’d never blame Lio, even if he hurt me, because I know his heart. It’s not black like mine.

“And I can feel you putting up walls, but Sandro, what you did during a psychotic break was wrong, yes. It was hideous, absolutely. And should there be consequences? Of course. But there’s a reason the courts even recognize an insanity plea. You were so desperate for control, so much under the control of your father’s words and delusions, that you were not acting sane. If any of your Boys did that, you’d forgive them. Now? Now you have to do the hard part…”

“Don’t say it. Please. Don’t ask me to do it,” I whimper, curling into myself as I try to block him out.

But suddenly, he’s there, his fingers pressing against mine. “Forgive yourself, because if others deserve that, so do you. Maybe especially you, because you’ve carried not just your sins, but the sins of multiple generations on your back. And you’ve carried the sins of others as well, those of your Boys. You’ve held it in for too long. So, that’s what you need to focus on. Finding a way to forgive yourself. Because that’s when the pieces you feel are missing will finally fall into place.”

I break. Shatter. Give in to the storm that takes over. Emotions pelt against me, tearing the last of my sanity away. Again. Stripped of the dignity I fought to claim again.

I barely hear the commotion around me. Or the needle sliding in. When the darkness spreads, and the numbness hits me, I merely fall. Fall into the bliss of the void, where there’s no pain, no struggle, no guilt, and no pressure to do the impossible…

Forgive the unforgivable…

TENNANT

Are you sure you’re okay?

HOLLIS

Yes, Love. Connor agreed with me. Stop worrying.

TENNANT

I’m not worried.

HOLLIS

Sure. Just “concerned about your Sweet Boy”.

TENNANT

You are too.

HOLLIS

Go focus on the Topolino. I’ve got this. I’ll let you know if we need you.

Iset my phone aside just as Allesandro begins to stir, almost as if he can feel his Daddy’s worry from across the house. It’s amusing how twisted up these Boys of his have Ten. My love has always been a worrier, and his nature to protect, to give more to his loved ones than he’ll take for himself, can get the best of him sometimes.

No one expects Tennant, of all people, to be as kind and generous as he is, but it’s what makes him a good Daddy. He doesn’t care what other people think of him, or what the “right” thing to do might be. Only that what he does makes him feel good, and sometimes the people he’s with feel good as well.

Tennant’s ability to block out his feelings and rely solely on baser instincts means I can trust him, which in turn helps me trust others. As fucked up as it may all seem, it’s what’s worked for us for years. I’d simply forgotten that. Too lost in my own pain and hurt to realize what was right in front of me this whole time.

As Allesandro blinks his bright blue eyes open, I vow that I won’t forget, not again. I made both of us a promise, and I’m here to keep it.

When our eyes connect, he looks confused for a moment, and his mouth opens but no words come out. Leaning over, I grab the water cup and help him take a drink.

“Take it easy,” I tell him in a soft voice. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He shifts on the bed to sit up more. “What are you doing here?”