Page 70 of Unfettered

Licking my lips, I stare into his shiny emerald eyes as I confess, “It was never about you, Emilio. Or even about Allesandro that day. But the control I was losing. I…hadn’t felt that way in a very long time. If at all. The only thing I can compare it to is when my second abuser locked me in a small, damp room for days on end, and my life slipped away from me. All I could think about after that was ending it.

“When he saved me, I hated him. I hated my life, and I looked for ways to die at every opportunity. He didn’t give me the chance, though, unwilling to part with the investment he’d put so much time and effort into.” I am unable to tell him that the rapes increased then. Before, it was mostly touching, mind games, and an after-dinner blow job. He only fucked me on special occasions. After though? After it seemed to awaken part of him, because there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t have to endure him on me, in me, all around me.

“By the time I was able to escape, I had given up on ever being able to die and leave that pain behind. It had been a long time since I last harmed myself before I did it again, though I thought about it every single day for years.”

I hate seeing Emilio cry, knowing his pain is for me, but as hard as this is, he needs to know. If we’re to move on, then he needs to understand that it was never about him, or Allesandro, but always about what a failure I am.

“So you see, Baby, it wasn’t about Allesandro. My inability to listen was because I was in my head, trying desperately to hold onto the control I lost a long time ago, and…I will never forgive myself for hurting you.”

“Angel…” he whispers. With his hands on my cheeks, holding me firmly in place, he leans down and presses the softest kiss to my lips. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“Always, Emilio. I have always trusted you, I just haven’t trusted myself.”

He pulls back to look into my eyes, his strength and resolve clear in his gaze, and it takes my breath away. “I trust you. I love you. And I’m sorry.”

I shake my head. “Don’t. Don’t ever fucking apologize for putting yourself first. Daddy and I taught you to, and I’m so fucking proud you that stood up to me, that you didn’t take any of my shit. It makes me so happy knowing you’ll always protect yourself.”

“I want to protect you, too.”

I huff a laugh. “You do. Without you, who knows the damage I would have caused before Tennant and Javi dragged me in here kicking and screaming.”

He releases my face and looks at me for a moment before asking, “Can…can you get up? I…it’s not right. I’m the one who’s supposed to go to my knees.”

I smile and stand, groaning at the aches shooting through my legs. Fuck, I am too old for that shit.

Emilio watches me carefully, but a giggle slips out of him as I moan and stretch out my body.

I roll my eyes at him. “Not all of us are used to being on our knees, Pup.”

“I like seeing you kneel for me, Sir, but…I would prefer to be the one on my knees.”

My breath catches. “You…trust me to do that?”

He blinks up at me, his gaze too fucking sweet, and he's practically begging to be put in his place. “It was never about wanting it, Sir. Or even trusting you. But how you took me for granted. I’ve learned to respect myself, and know I deserve more.”

“You absolutely do. And I promise, I will never make you feel as if I don’t appreciate you or your submission ever again.”

“Can…I have a hug?” he asks, looking bashful and unsure as he says the words.

“Of course, Cucciolo.” Swooping in, I pull him into my arms, holding him tight. He sighs and snuggles into me, his body relaxing as my own loses the tension I’ve been carrying since he left me.

“I love you,” I whisper into his hair. “I love you so much, Emilio. Tu sei la mia vita. Il mio cuore e la mia anima, e non devi mai preoccuparti che io non ti apprezzi, perché non ci sarà mai un altro giorno in cui non ti dimostrerò quanto sei importante per me.”

He shudders, and though I’m not sure how much he understands—Italian lessons have been at the very bottom of the to-do list with all the shit we’ve had going on—I’m sure he can infer the meaning and reverence in my words.

Walking backwards, I lead him over to my bed, wishing it were bigger, but not caring as I sit down and he climbs into my lap, not moving from where he’s burrowed himself into my chest.

“I can’t wait to get out of here,” I say, clutching him tightly. “I need to hold you properly, all night. Tennant, Roman, and Jude too. Hell, Allesandro, Antonio, the twins, Ignacio, and Benjamin can join in as well.”

He giggles and says against my skin, “Now you sound like Roman and his orgy bed.”

I laugh. “Yeah…I guess I do. That’s how we know we’re all on the same page, and we all want the same thing.”

He nods in agreement. “Javi said earlier that you’re almost ready to leave the hospital.”

“Yeah.” I press a kiss to his hair. “I need to see Connor a few more times, continue taking my medication, and show that I am willing to be more honest with myself and the medical staff, and then Javi will let me leave.”

“Good. I’ve missed you. I was five seconds away from recruiting everyone to help me get through to you.” He takes a deep breath. “I know Tennant has seen you, Jude and Roman as well. But…you never asked for me.”