Page 26 of Unfettered

Me and my three Boys, we’ll get through this, and the fucking Senator will feel every single ounce of pain they all feel. It won’t make up for the havoc he’s wrought, but it’ll give my Boys something to look forward to. I am an indulgent Daddy, and they won’t be denied their justice.

After, I’ll fuck them and remind them that their Daddy always does right by them. Because that’s the type of family we are. And it’s beautiful.

Groaning quietly, my eyes flutter open and I squint against the pain in my head. Fucking drugs. My mind flips through what happened, and I flinch at the thought of Rose’s death. It may as well have been by my own fucking hands… And poor Doc. I can’t imagine what he went through over losing his friend because of my selfishness.

I sigh, only to be distracted by the noise nearby. Holy fucking shit. Seeing Papa Bear and Daddy locked in an embrace is fucking hot! If it weren’t for the drug still slithering through my system, I’d have an instant hard-on. Fuck.

I must make some sort of sound because suddenly I have two Daddies zeroed in on me. Gulping, I drop my gaze, unsure what to do. I hate that I had to be drugged—again. It makes me feel weak, like I can’t control myself.

Thankfully, I’m saved by a knock at the door. Croaking out an “Enter,” I nearly melt in relief when Anderson comes into the room. His kind smile immediately puts me at ease, as does his outfit of the day. While muted compared to Javi, I love the shimmery blue material of his shirt. It pairs well with his fitted navy dress pants. I can understand why his two men don’t look away when he enters a room.

“Am I interrupting?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at my Daddy and Papa Bear.

Scowling slightly, Daddy says, “We haven’t had an opportunity to even talk.”

“Oh, good. Then I’m not interfering with a conversation.” Anderson’s sunny response only causes the scowl to deepen on Daddy’s face, and I have to suppress a giggle. From Anderson’s quick wink, he catches my response.

“Javi mentioned now would be a good time for me to step in. Are you up to chatting with me, Lio?”

Biting my lip, I glance between the two men who hold my heart and Anderson, unsure what the right thing to do is. But when Anderson clears his throat, I blush. Taking a deep breath, I remind myself that I need to start putting my recovery first—and hope that Daddy and Papa Bear will understand.

“Uh, yes. Now works.” I shift uncomfortably, pulling myself up further in the bed. Unable to resist, I add, “If that’s alright with Daddy and Papa Bear.”

When Daddy looks like he’s going to disagree, Papa Bear stands and squeezes Tennant’s wrist. “That’s fine, Tesoro. We’ll check in later, of course. We love you.”

With that, he comes over and brushes a kiss against my forehead before stepping aside for Daddy. Grumbling quietly, Daddy sighs but gives me a gentle caress and a kiss before saying, “You can message us as soon as you’re ready, Little One.”

I let out an audible breath when they leave, before turning my attention back to Anderson. “So, I guess we should talk about what happened, huh?”

“I’m here for you, for whatever you need.”

Frowning, I drop my gaze and start to pick at the sheets. I still hate these hospital sheets and want out. Frustrated, I lift my gaze to meet Anderson’s compassionate look, and almost flinch from it.

“I need them to stop drugging me. I understand I was panicking, but I feel like I’m never going to learn how to control it, or how to get through them, if they just immediately drug me.”

Anderson takes the seat Tennant was in, dragging it closer to me. He nods before slowly saying, “You understand they did that because they were worried, right?”

“Yes, and I get that,” I huff. “But it still should be my choice. If I was completely out of control, then that’s one thing. But I need to feel the panic and work through it.”

“And that’s not a way to punish yourself?” His voice is even, a calm oasis despite what we’re talking about.

I don’t answer right away. A quick answer won’t suffice, and I know it. Only after turning the statement over in my head repeatedly do I shake my head. “No. You and Javi are giving me the tools to get better. And part of that is emotional regulation. I can’t afford to have them immediately jump to drugging me without giving me a chance to push through.

“Yes, I know it’ll be difficult, especially initially. I have a lot of poor coping mechanisms that I’m trying to change. But I deserve the opportunity to do that. And it’s not about being weak. Although yes, I do admit that part of it is because I’m one of the Bosses. If this happened at an inopportune moment—like a rescue—I need to learn how to manage it. That’s not because of weakness, it's survival.”

“You have a very valid point. I’m proud of you for wanting to meet this head on. But we need to have a safety mechanism if, for some reason, you do need the medication—because there is nothing wrong with that.”

Pressing my lips together, I think about it. I hate the idea, but if he’s willing to work with me…

“Alright, that’s fair. What do you suggest?”

“How about the stoplight system? Are you familiar with that?”

I stare blankly at him before blushing. “Ah, like, uh, kink stoplight system? Because one of the Boys let me read some of the books he likes…”

Chuckling, Anderson sits forward. “I definitely am more than happy to talk about those books, but yes, that’s what I’m talking about. You say ‘Green’ if you’re handling it, ‘Yellow’ if it’s getting to your limit, and ‘Red’ is for when you want one of the doctors to step in. But you have to promise me you’ll actually use it.”

“I know I’m a people pleaser… But yes. I promise.”