Page 18 of Unfettered

Kail and Vonny remain in the room, putting things away as they finish cleaning the blood off Cristian. I barely pay them any mind, though, letting Carter move me to the bedside and into the chair there.

“Dad…” My voice trembles, and I can’t get any other words out. So all I do is reach over and grab his hand, holding it between both of mine.

As mad as I’ve been, as hurt as I was about him blowing up our family, he is still my family. I can hate and love him at the same time. I might want to kill him for what he put Carter through, but fuck, he’s still my dad.

I know better than to believe I have to forgive him just because he’s my dad, but growing up, he was my everything: my inspiration, my protector, my only friend, and while our relationship may never have been traditional, he was still my dad in all the ways that mattered.

I know I’ll never live up to his expectations, but I still want him to see me, to be proud of the leader I’ve become, both because of him and in spite of him.

Our relationship might be on shaky ground and confusing at times, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to see him so fragile.

Carter takes the seat beside mine, wrapping an arm around me, and I rest my head on his shoulder.

“I’m not ready to lose him,” I whisper.

“He’s here, Figlio,” he says. “He’s still with you, as am I. You’re not alone. You’re never going to be alone. I promise.”

Carter’s words cause more tears to fall down my face. Because somehow, he’s able to suss out my greatest fear without me uttering a word. Proving that he listens and knows me as a parent should.

It makes me wonder if Cristian does as well, or if I’m still so badly hanging onto his twisted ideals of what a family should be. Because this Council has proven that sometimes the family you make is far greater than the one you’re born into. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world, but… I want them and my father.

I just don't know if there’s a world in which I deserve both.

Fuck, why is everything so fucking complicated? I just want my dad. Please… I’m not ready to lose him. Please…

Is it selfish of me to want it all? The family I’m making for myself, and the one I was born into? Despite how fucked it became, how dysfunctional it could be at times, I still miss the days when it was me, Cristian, and Tennant. Some people might not understand how I can both love and hate what Cristian did. Hell, I don’t always fucking understand my thoughts and feelings.

All I know is that I’m not ready to face him not being around.

Please, wake up. I promise, I’ll work on forgiving you, if you just wake up.

I don’t know if I am making promises I can’t keep. But I know I’ll give up anything for a chance.

I’ll build the bridge between us with my bare hands if I need to. Because, at the end of the day, Cristian is mine, and no one gets to take away what belongs to me.

I might be an adult with my own life, but I’ll always need my dad. Both of them. Hell, maybe all four of them…

Please, wake up…

Stopping at my room, I quickly change clothes. Knowing I’ll be heading to the precinct, I choose my most boring professional clothes. However, I do make one concession to flair—my boxer briefs are silky and covered in rainbow print. It’s hidden beneath black suit pants because, sadly, the police station never embraces flair. They’d be better off if they did.

I carefully put on my dress shirt and tie before taking a moment to pet Her Majesty Queen Floofy. Only after adequately paying homage to her do I grab my suit jacket and put on my dress shoes. By the time I leave, I’m not surprised to find a guard trailing after me. Sending a dark scowl his way does nothing.

“Tennant’s orders, sir.”

Sighing, I don’t bother to argue with the man. Granted, I could easily kill him, but I’m supposed to set an example for my empire of therapists, and it would probably just encourage Atticus’s antics. Although, I’d like to see what happens the first time a guard tries to follow him.

I’m hoping putting him with Cristian will keep Atticus too busy to cause chaos. However, I know better. When he and Marshall find out they’re connected to each other… Yeah, there’s going to be an explosion. That’s a future problem, though. Right now, I need to escape from these people and their feelings.

A SUV pulls up in front of me and I sigh, cutting a glare toward the guard who steps forward and opens the back door.

“Seriously? I can’t even drive my own fucking car?”

“Tennant’s orders, sir.” The man’s voice is so bland it would be a thing of beauty if it weren’t so fucking annoying.

Cursing, I shake my head. “Learn to stop sounding like a fucking broken record. I don’t have the patience for it.”

The man closes the door after me, and I struggle to wait patiently while he gets in the front passenger seat. By the time we leave, I feel closed in again. I was hoping to take this as an opportunity to get away from everything, but no, of course, Tennant would interfere with my plans. As if he doesn’t have enough going on, the asshole manages to keep track of me too. I’d be touched if it wasn’t so fucking stifling.