Page 78 of Snowed In with You

‘And here’s our record of the week,’ said the DJ, unnecessarily cheerful for a Sunday afternoon. ‘It’s the brand-new single from a guy who’s had an incredible few months, going from total unknown to British music’s next big thing, about to start his first UK and European tour. With his new single, “Can’t Be Mine” – it’s Nate Lambert.’

Lucy held her breath as the raw, heartfelt vocals played out through Kristoff’s top-of-the-range car stereo. She tuned in to every word, feeling like Nate’s pain was her pain. Somehow his situation with Sasha felt inexplicably tangled up in her situation with Kristoff, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold it in. She’d stayed as far away from Nate as she could after Lee and Zoe’s wedding, partly not wanting him to think she was one of a thousand people sniffing round him because he was famous now. Yesterday had been a gut-punching reminder that the thing she’d felt in Zermatt – that powerful, indefinable human connection – hadn’t gone away.

But she’d kept track of his career, and felt quietly proud of him when she heard him on the radio or watched a live performance on YouTube. She’d read some of the interviews he’d given to the press about his music and his mental health issues, feeling pathetic for hoping he might say something about the Zermatt avalanche story that only she would understand.

‘This guy,’ said Kristoff with a shake of his head. ‘He was great yesterday, sure. But it doesn’t seem to matter which radio station I listen to, I never seem to be more than five minutes away from a Nate Lambert song. It’s like rats in New York.’

‘You’re just angry he’s not at LUNA any more,’ said Lucy, forcing a laugh.

‘I definitely liked him better when he was getting shit done for Titan,’ he grumbled. ‘What is it with all the sappy love songs, anyway?’

‘Maybe he’s singing from experience,’ said Lucy thoughtfully. ‘Maybe he actually knows what love is.’ She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but the words were hanging in the car before she could stop them.

Kristoff’s head swivelled to look at her, his eyes wide. ‘What does that mean?’

Lucy held her breath for a second, then hung her head, knowing the time had come to have a very big conversation. The exit sign for Junction 5 of the M4 loomed large in her window – they were barely a mile or two from Heathrow, which would save a lot of time in the long run. ‘Can you pull off here?’ she asked.

‘Really?’ said Kristoff. She looked at him intently and nodded, so Kristoff veered left across two lanes of traffic to make the exit, earning himself an outraged honk from a Megabus.

‘What’s this all about, Lucy?’ he asked, his beautiful hands jittery on the steering wheel.

‘Just find somewhere to stop,’ said Lucy. ‘We need to talk.’

Kristoff said nothing as he navigated the traffic lights, his lips pressed firmly together, his eyes on the road and the silence lying like a heavy fog in the car as he turned onto the A4. A mile further on, he pulled into a BP garage on the Colnbrook bypass and parked. He killed the engine and took off his seatbelt, then turned to face Lucy.

‘So. What’s up?’

‘We need to break up,’ said Lucy, figuring she might as well not mince her words. Kristoff wouldn’t appreciate it, and it wasn’t really her style.

He was silent for a moment as he took deep breaths through his nose. ‘Can I ask why?’

‘Because when I joined that dating site, back in February, it was because I was looking for the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with.’

Kristoff said nothing, so Lucy ploughed on.

‘And I’ve had the best time, Kristoff, I really have. You’re amazing.’

‘But?’ said Kristoff. ‘I definitely feel like there’s a huge BUT incoming.’

‘But . . . I don’t love you. I love spending time with you, but I don’t feel . . . that thing you feel when you’re in love.’

‘Wow,’ said Kristoff, raking his hand through his hair. ‘That’s . . . quite the announcement.’ He looked genuinely confused, and for a moment Lucy wavered. Was this actually the stupidest thing she’d ever done?

‘But it’s not a shock, right?’ said Lucy, hoping she hadn’t read this all wrong. ‘I’ve always assumed you felt the same way.’

Kristoff’s brow furrowed. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, we’ve been living in the moment and having a great time, but I’ve never got the impression it’s been anything more than just a fling.’

‘What, you don’t think I’m in love with you?’

‘No,’ said Lucy, a sick feeling rising in her throat. ‘It’s never even crossed my mind. It’s not . . . I guess I figured I’m not the kind of woman men like you fall in love with.’

‘Wrong,’ said Kristoff, looking at Lucy like she was mad. ‘Shit, Lucy. I’m totally crazy about you.’

Lucy stared at him, her mouth hanging open. ‘I don’t . . . oh God.’ She pressed her hands to the sides of her face, feeling like the ground under the car was crumbling. ‘Why didn’t you say?’

‘Because . . . because I didn’t want to overwhelm you with some big declaration. I thought we could start to spend more time together, maybe in New York, and then at the end of the year I’d ask you to move in with me.’