Page 69 of Snowed In with You

‘That is very kind, but sadly I am very much women only,’ said Marco. He looked genuinely apologetic, which Lucy thought was rather sweet.

‘Then what’s this all about?’ asked Anthony.

‘I’m breaking up with both of you,’ said Lucy.

‘At once?’ asked Marco, his eyes wide.

‘Yes,’ said Lucy.

‘And you decided to buy us lunch to break the news?’ said Anthony teasingly. ‘Gutted as I am, babe, this meeting could have been an email.’

‘No, this is nice,’ said Marco with a grin. ‘Respectful, you know?’ This was Lucy’s other worry, that they’d gang up on her and take the piss. Honestly, men were so predictable.

‘This isn’t me being dramatic,’ said Lucy. ‘I wanted to ask you both something, and I need you to be honest.’

‘OK,’ said Anthony, looking less confident now. They hadn’t seen each other in the two weeks since Lee and Zoe’s wedding, and what Anthony didn’t know was that she hadn’t seen Marco either. The past few weeks since she’d got back from Zermatt had been a sexual wasteland while she worked her thoughts and feelings through, and she needed the help of these men to get her to the next stage.

‘I’ve never had a proper relationship,’ said Lucy. ‘I mean, I had boyfriends at school, obviously, but not as an adult.’

‘What, never?’ asked Marco. ‘Aren’t you, like, thirty-three?’

‘In June,’ said Lucy. Or already, if you count my fake birthday.

‘You went to uni, though, right?’ asked Anthony. ‘You must have dated some posh boys.’

‘No,’ said Lucy, a sick feeling rising in her throat. University had been about finding her feet, reinventing herself as an edgy metropolitan millennial who would one day be a celebrated and badass feminist writer. The question ‘Where are you from?’ was answered with ‘South London’ or occasionally ‘Surrey’, but never ‘Croydon’. Casual sex had felt like a declaration of independence and a source of power, but proper boyfriends were for losers.

After Leo died she’d been a barely visible wisp, a half-person, a subject of pitying head-tilts and gentle pats, like an abandoned dog who’d lost a leg. She’d buried herself in the library for months, studying for her finals and trying to patch her broken heart with the timeless words of strangers, so she didn’t have to face up to her own story. Having fun would have been stealing unwritten chapters from Leo; a betrayal of the only person who’d loved her unconditionally.

‘So what is this all about?’ asked Marco.

‘I want you to tell me what you think of me,’ said Lucy, holding her head up. ‘What kind of person I am, from your perspective.’

‘Why?’ asked Anthony, looking confused. ‘With respect, what does it matter what we think?’

‘Because sometimes I feel like I come across as cold,’ said Lucy. ‘And I’ve decided I want to have normal relationships and fall in love, at some point in the future. But I’m not sure I’m very loveable.’

‘Babe, I fell in love with you ages ago,’ said Anthony with a soft smile, as Marco nodded. ‘You’re, like, ridiculously hot, obviously. But you’re also funny and smart and really cool to hang out with. If I thought I’d have even the smallest chance of being worthy, I’d have totally suggested we date like normal people.’

‘The same,’ said Marco. ‘You are my dream woman – after Jennifer Lopez.’

‘Isn’t Jennifer Lopez, like, fifty-five?’ asked Anthony.

‘Yes,’ said Marco. ‘But she is timeless, like a Picasso.’

‘Can we focus?’ laughed Lucy.

‘Sure,’ said Anthony, fixing his eyes firmly on her. ‘Sorry.’

‘So if both of you had feelings for me, why didn’t either of you ever suggest a proper relationship?’ she asked, her eyes wide. Whatever she’d expected them both to say, it wasn’t this.

‘You go,’ said Anthony, nodding at Marco.

‘Because you are very hard to reach,’ he said with a shrug. ‘And you made it totally clear from the start that all you wanted was sex. So I took what you were offering, which has been amazing, by the way.’

‘Fucking incredible,’ said Anthony.

‘You’re not cold,’ said Marco kindly. ‘You’re just your own woman. Strong, independent. You take what you want from life. That is sexy in itself, no?’