Page 80 of The Wedding Pact

On all of it.

Except that’s not up for grabs.

I swipe away a tear, frustrated with myself for the situation I’ve got into here.

Clearing my throat roughly, I take a deep, steadying breath.

I’ll be fine. I’ll get past this. Eventually. It’s not like I’m not good at being on my own.

I know how to look after myself.

14

RAFFA

There’s a tight, crushing feeling in my chest as I watch Ida walk away and into her bedroom where she firmly shuts the door on me.

So that’s it then.

She’s just made it really clear she’s not interested in having any kind of ongoing relationship with me if I’m not prepared to change the way I do things.

I’m simultaneously devastated and furious with her.

I don’t get it. Why was she suddenly so cold with me? She knows how much this deal means to me, but she’s more concerned about me saying goodbye to the family she came here to shield me from.

I mean, I know I use my job as an excuse not to see them most of the time but I never lied to her about that, so why is it suddenly such a big deal to her?

That shouldn’t be a reason for her to not want to see me again.

Should it?

I guess I can understand how it might be frustrating for her when she doesn’t have her own family looking out for her. I suppose it must hurt to see me pushing mine away when she’s wanted that herself but never had it. Especially as she seems to have got on so well with them. She’s fitted in so well here. Seemed happy.

Shit.

Yeah.

This is not good.

Things have got way more emotionally intense than I’d wanted them to and I’m overwhelmingly aware of my instinct to retreat to the comfort and security of work.

It’s always been my safe space and the thing that’s grounded me when I’m feeling spun.

Numbers and stats don’t demand anything of you. They’re steady and soothing that way, functional. Black and white. There’s no room for emotions or subtext.

I dig that.

But as I go into my room to pack, I’m aware that my body is still buzzing from kissing her.

I can’t believe it just ended like that.

And that I’m not going to see her again.

How can we go from such intimacy back to nothing?

It’s not right.

But I really don’t have time to deal with it right now. I have to leave.