Page 76 of Dandelion Sighs

“I’ve got you.” He slipped his hand between us.

For the first time, he misread me. I could ride him for an hour, hovering at the precipice. Not making a decision. For once, taking my time and thinking something through. But as soon as the pad of his finger hit my clit, I flew away, arching my back and dropping my head. I closed my eyes instead of looking at the old popcorn ceiling. I gave myself to Jasper, and he flung me right into the stratosphere.

My mouth dropped open, but I caught most of the sound at the last minute. I couldn’t have guests complaining about yelling when it was me coming. I gasped and panted through my orgasm, barely registering the way he was coming with me.

When I hit the wall and everything was too sensitive, I collapsed onto him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. He was still inside me. I clenched and twitched around him, but I didn’t want to move.

Why was I confused? And what was this fear hounding me? I knew where I stood with him. We’d done exactly what we agreed to do. I was in control.

Until he swooped in and took over. And I let him.

“You okay?” He feathered a hand over my hair.

I slid off him and rolled to the side, hating the emptiness that filled me without him. “After that? I’m great.”

He chuckled, and I smiled, but it was more to cover my recent realization. I had to quit pretending that Jasper was anything like my exes. I had to stop telling myself that he was aimless and coasted through life. Jasper worked hard, and he needed a longer transition, but he was there for me and his whole family.

No, this was about me. I could so easily hand everything over to him and then I’d become my mom. I’d have proven nothing to myself or anyone else.

I pushed up, placing a hand on his chest. “That was great, and doing this would be easier at your place, but I’m going to stay in the office.”

What a time to have this conversation. I was almost naked and his half-hard dick was hanging out.

His brows drew together. “Okay. I just thought⁠—”

I kissed him, draping my upper body over him. “I know. You’re sweet, and you’ve been taking care of me. But I’ve gotta do this. I’ve got to figure it out, and that includes sleeping in my office and finding a cheap rental.”

“I messed up.” The furrow across his forehead deepened. “When I missed my chance to marry you, I fucked it all up.”

No! He was not letting his guilt tear him up. “You didn’t. You made that decision based on what’s best for me.” And for himself. I’d never blame him for that. “You can’t take responsibility for my mess.” I wouldn’t stoop to getting married out of pity. I wanted Jasper to love me, not feel obligated or responsible for me.

“No, Sheridan. I used it as an excuse and fucked myself out of the best thing that’s come into my life. The deadline for the cabin is approaching, and all that I can think about is how I could be living in that cabin with you for the next year.”

“Jasper,” I breathed. Emotions welled inside me, chasing away the afterglow I should be basking in. I wanted to cling to every word he said, but he was like this. He felt guilty. That was all. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do.”

“No.” I trailed my fingers down his cheek. His earnestness was a postcoital glow. Where he’d always been the calm voice of reason and wisdom, it was my turn now. “How long has it been since your grandma passed away?”

His jaw clenched before he said, “Almost six years.”

“Out of those six years, have you had anyone in your life who made you think, wow, I should propose?”

Granite lined his face.

Exactly. He hadn’t mentioned having a serious girlfriend since before he took the job with Eliot Knight. I traced his lips. “You want to do right by people, and you feel bad about the situation I’m in. But there’s no reason to sacrifice your own happiness for it. Neither of us is in a place to make a commitment like marriage, and if I need to tie the knot to run this business, well, that’s not promising for my future at Bishop’s Landing.”

Indecision played over his face, but he didn’t say anything.

Good. Yet melancholy set in. How did I get past it? By making a plan. “I could use your insight on where I can find a decent apartment.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Jasper

On Monday, I got out of my pickup at Alder’s place. Daisy was on the porch while little West toddled on the walk. A furry puppy romped at his feet. A mutt of some sort.

“He’s in the shop with Laila,” she said when I approached. “Send her this way so I can get her a snack.”