Page 13 of GR8VITY

It feels wrong leaving like this, but I've got to get back home before anyone notices that I'm gone. I want to live this moment for a little longer before I tell everyone.

Locking the door behind me, I get ready to walk down the stairs when I tap my pockets realizing that I left my phone inside on the counter. Glancing at the ceiling, I curse myself for something so stupid. I could leave it with her. It's not like I don't trust her. There is stuff on there that we wouldn't want getting out before our next comeback, but I don't have an ounce of mistrust in her. Yet still, it might raise some suspicion if I don't have it. Plus, how will I contact her later without it?

Doing the very last thing that I want to do, I turn back and start softly tapping on her door. It takes a few minutes, and I can only hope that I'm not disturbing any of her neighbors. There's a rustling on the other side before I hear the lock and the door eases open.

"Kyung?" her soft voice asks.

I can't answer her, because I can't speak. This temptation of a woman has answered her door to me wearing nothing but the thin blanket from the bed. I sweep her up into my arms, letting the door close behind us. She makes a quick noise of surprise before she locks her mouth over mine. I march us right back to her bed where I stay, enjoying her body for another hour or more.

TRACK 04

PULL ME IN

DAV EN

Today is finally today. I’m so excited that I’m barely able to contain myself during the photo shoot. Fortunately, everyone is so used to me being high strung that no one even pays attention to me bouncing on my toes for most of the day. The few times Kyung does notice, we’re not alone so we do that silent communication thing that we’re good at when people are around. Doesn’t help either that I had an iced coffee earlier. Typically, those are banned from my diet for obvious reasons, but I definitely talked my hairdresser into sneaking me one at the start of the shoot. She’s nice. I like her. We found out a few months ago that we’re related in some way like four generations out or something. It might’ve been the reason that she risked it helping me even though she’d winced at first. I had to promise that I would sit still for them for the rest of the day, though.

As we’re leaving set, I find Kyung and bump my shoulder into his. He smiles at me, knowingly, but there’s also something close to anxiety in his expression. We’ve been friends since we were kids. We know each other’s tics, and I can tell that something is off. I hate that I can’t tell what it is either.

I wasn’t lying to him yesterday when I said that I miss him. I don’t even care if anyone would’ve heard me say it. Even if I had to stand on a crowded street and scream it, I would’ve done it if it meant that he’d listen. We’d played phone tag over the past few weeks. Every time I’d call he’d be busy or I would be when he tried to call back. People think that just because we’re in the same group that we’re always together, and it’s just not that way. Maybe at first we were, but we all have different ambitions following the same path as each other. Small side quests as Kyung would call it.

Going to talk to him yesterday, I didn’t intend to make him feel bad like he obviously did. I just wanted to figure out what is going on. Phone tag I understand. Him not texting me back, I don’t understand. This withdrawn thing that he’s been pulling lately, but seemingly happy at the same time, I don’t understand. Normally, when one of us starts withdrawing, it’s because of the pressure, or depression. Both have happened to all of us. Some of us even more than once.

I glance over at Yoon Ji as we pile into the van. He wasn’t in the best headspace when I left a few weeks ago. He’s my next closest friend out of our members, and I felt bad for leaving him when I did. I’d talked to him almost every day, though, and he seems to be doing better. Albeit still a little sad. It’s caused him to drop some weight, too.

This is how we roll. We play different parts in each other’s lives depending on the day. Friend. Family. Therapist. Support system. We are all that we’ve got.

Switching my attention to Kyung, I watch him prop his chin on his hand as he looks out the window. I’ve gotten the oddest feeling since I got back that he’s either met someone or forgotten that we’ve got his back without question. Both make me sad on different levels. I really don’t know what I’ll do if I lose my best friend in any kind of capacity.

Slipping my earbuds in, I put on a high tempo beat song that I don’t really listen to, letting it calm me with the bouncing of my knee as we drive to our next stop.

A few hours later, I’ve just finished showering and throwing some clothes on when there’s a knock at my door. Kyung doesn’t wait for an answer like usual before he swings it open. “You ready?”

“Just,” I tell him as I slide a few of my beaded bracelets back on my wrist.

“Where are we going?” I ask him for what feels like the tenth time as we put our shoes out and walk out of the house. I didn’t even know how I should dress since he won’t tell me. The best I’d gotten out of him was to dress comfy and not in sweats.

“For a walk,” he finally answers, tucking his hands in the pockets of his hoodie after putting his mask on.

I follow suit with my mask, but leave my hands by my side. It’s weird just taking a walk with him. I can honestly say this is the first time we’ve ever done it. If he’s got free time, he’s normally gaming or something.

The movement helps with my hyperactivity and need to be doing something, but my brain is firing a lot faster than we’re walking. Plus, it doesn’t help that my curiosity has been burning a hole in my brain all day either. “Are you going to tell me your secret now?”

He nods, and glances over to me. “Do you ever feel like you get lost as a person inside our image?”

“Sure,” I tell him, not liking where this is heading, but prepared to stand by him. “Look who you’re talking to. I almost quit, remember? You were the one who talked me off that ledge. Do I need to do that for you right now?”

“I’m not on that ledge anymore, Dav En,” he admits. “I was. Right before you left. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want you to do something crazy like trying to cancel your schedule.”

“You’re not one to tell us when you’re feeling stuff, anyway,” I remind him. “I have to get you really drunk and pry it out of you. I was so caught up and didn’t even realize before I left.”

“Don’t feel bad,” he says, bumping shoulders with me. “Remember how I’ve always told you that everything happens for a reason?”

“Yep,” I answer, thinking about all the times he has in fact said those words to me.

I stop walking and turn to him. “What happened?”

He stops when I do, but he doesn’t face me. Instead, he keeps looking forward as a slow smile creeps up on his lips.