Page 56 of Choosing Stella

“What?” I asked.

“Death usually isn’t literal death.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“Would you stop?”

“I’m listening.”

She tapped the edge of the reversed card.

“This can be surviving a destruction but getting stuck in what came after. A change that should’ve happened and didn’t. Or something ending without really letting you move on.”

My shoulders tightened before I could stop them.

Stella nodded toward the Five of Cups.

“This is loss. Grief. What’s gone taking up so much of the frame that it’s hard to see anything else.”

Then she moved on to Justice reversed.

She went quiet.

The safe house seemed smaller than it had five minutes earlier.

“What does that one mean?” I asked.

“An institution or system failing. Blame landing where it shouldn’t. Somebody who should’ve answered for what happened didn’t.”

I didn’t move.

Neither did she.

She hadn’t told me a country.

She hadn’t said military.

She hadn’t said mission, unit, command, or government.

She didn’t have to.

Stella’s hand went to her temple.

“You okay?”

“Yes.”

Her answer came too fast.

More color had drained from her face.

I stood and filled her glass.

“You look sick.”

“I pushed harder than I meant to.”

“Then stop.”