Page 48 of Crowned In Sin

I don’t fear what my own servants might say. Blanche and Alice have kept my confidences for years. They will not gossip about me, nor share their opinions with the other servants.

But there are others who have served the princes while they are here. Who knows what they might have heard? In the end, it might not matter if what the servants say is the truth. If the court comes to believe that I have driven off the princes⁠—

If I have driven off the princes, and there is no more to be decided between us⁠—

Isabel takes my hand. “I have had word that the princes are not to leave until any matters between you have been settled.”

“From whom?”

“From a reliable source.” Isabel smiles at me. “Prince Jasper will dine with your father, and they will speak when the meal is over. You do not need to worry about anything tonight.”

This should comfort me, but I doubt anything will, until I know what’s to come.

“You need to eat,” Isabel insists, and ushers me to the small table in my chamber. “You’ve been in a state all day, and food will lift your spirits. We can talk while we eat.”

I don’t realize how hungry I am until I’m seated at the table and a servant uncovers one of the dishes. For most of today I thought I might never be hungry again. It is almost a relief that my body has recovered, even slightly. But is it also a betrayal?

I concentrate on spearing salted ham with my fork. Isabel compliments the dishes and comments on the flowers in the garden. She talks about a painting she might work on while the light is good this season. The servants come and go around us until we have finished eating, then leave us with tea and a chocolate torte.

Isabel leans back in her seat with a cup of tea in her hands. She waits until I have prepared my own.

“What happened, Cora?” she asks eventually.

“It began the night of the ball,” I begin, and after that, the story rushes out of me. The desires I whispered when I thought I was alone. The man who gave me what I wanted while I was blindfolded, so his identity was kept secret. The feelings that grew for him.

And then…Jasper. The handsome prince who set my heart alight in other ways.

To Isabel’s credit, she does not gasp at the things I reveal. Her eyebrows go up in surprise, but she merely nods for me to continue. At first, my face burns and I struggle to find the words to describe what I shared with both princes without making it seem sordid. But the more I speak, the more I realize that what I shared with Casen and Jasper was much more than physical. The pleasure they gave me also made me feel a form of…freedom. When I was with them, I felt that I had power over my own body and my own life.

Was that because they desired me so? Or was it because I was finally finding my own confidence?

Perhaps it was both.

Yet now my confidence is gone. It feels shaken, at least.

“I did not know…” My voice trails off as I reach the final revelation. “I did not know that Prince Casen was Prince Jasper’s brother until I saw Casen in the sunroom.”

Isabel sits up straight in her chair as if she had forgotten that fact about them.

“Yes, of course,” she says. “That was why his presence was such a shock to you.” She touches her forehead. “And I thought—I am sorry, Cora. I thought his appearance⁠—”

“I saw him before. I was not frightened. I—I would not be frightened, Isabel. I am not a child who has seen nothing of people outside the court. I would not judge⁠—”

“No, of course you would not.” Isabel pats my hand. “Please, know that I am so sorry. I did not understand why you were so upset.”

“Do you understand now?” I ask in a small voice.

“Oh, yes.” Isabel sets her cup onto a saucer. The sound of the cup on the saucer seems to judge me even if Isabel does not. “I do. They did not seem to be—well, it is clear they were at odds.” She gazes out the window, clearly lost in thought. Then her eyes return to mine. “They were at odds over you, were they not?”

“They were.” I clear my throat, willing myself not to cry again. “I did not tell them of the things I’d done with the other. I thought my choice was between the stranger in my chambers at night and the handsome prince who came to court me. I did not realize I would have to choose between brothers.”

For a time, both of us are silent. I cannot imagine taking another bite of the chocolate torte.

This isn’t something that can be fixed, can it? No matter what my heart wishes. My father is only delaying the inevitable. The princes will leave with hatred for one another in their hearts. What other conclusion could there be? If I choose either man, we will all have to live with that choice. If I choose neither, my heart will be broken. I truly wish to have both in my life, but that is such a selfish act.

I know in this moment that I will not court again. The princes have opened up my world, and it will only seem smaller with another prince. Who could compare to the two of them? I had everything I needed, only divided between day and night, and now……

“You will be queen of this kingdom,” Isabel says, drawing me out of my thoughts. “They need you. What is it that you want, Cora? You should decide for yourself what you want.”