Page 75 of Too Guarded to Love

“I’m not Rachel. I’m Olivia, your very own mermaid. Come back to the beach with me. A private one with palm trees and sun on a secluded island where nobody can find us.”

She begged. Pleaded. Even told him the island was guarded by dragons, and he could learn to ride one.

Instead of relaxing, his body grew more rigid. She feared he might snap if she didn’t drag him back to the present soon.

“Come with me, Nic.” She no longer tried to keep the emotion from her voice. “It’s paradise here. I’ll stay with you forever if you just come back to me.”

He spun around. His gaze burned like embers in a fire. “Olivia.”

“Are you with me, Nic?” She placed a hand on his bare chest.

He closed his eyes. Swallowed. As he opened them, his clear, alert gaze warred with a wildness she couldn’t define and would never understand.

He pulled in a shaky breath and let it out slowly. “Thank you for bringing me back.”

“Where did you go while you were asleep? You called me Rachel and kept telling me to stay put, and you shoved me behind you like you were protecting me.”

He touched her shoulder with his steel. “Did I hurt you?”

“I’m fine. You’re the one who’s hurting. You told me what happened with Natalie, but you never told me about Rachel.”

“No, I didn’t.” He pulled in a deep breath. “But I’ll tell you because you deserve to know the kind of man you’re in bed with.”

Olivia didn’t breathe as she waited for him to speak.

“I met Rachel in the Middle East when she was working on a story. I flirted. She flirted. We wound up being friends with benefits. She talked me into convincing my commanding officer to let her come with us on a routine maneuver. She promised she’d listen to my orders. When we were ambushed, she didn’t stay put like I told her.”

Nic’s words sped up as his tone grew darker. His obvious distress tore at Olivia’s heart.

“She didn’t stay down.” He dropped his gaze. “She died trying to get what I thought was a story when she was actually working a drug deal. I lost my arm and leg trying to protect her.”

“Oh, Nic.” Olivia cupped his cheek as the firestorm in his eyes scorched her soul. His insistence that she “stay put” and his anger when she didn’t all made sense now. “You think her death is your fault, don’t you?”

He shrugged. “I’m guilty of not realizing she was deceiving me the whole time we were together, and I paid the consequences.”

Olivia’s heart stuttered in her chest. Another part of the puzzle slid into place. “And then I came along and deceived you.”

“That about sums up my issues.”

“You are not to blame for Rachel’s poor choices.”

“But I was in charge. I was the one responsible for her safety.” He blew out a shaky breath. “I relive the day Rachel died every night in my dreams, but since…”

Olivia touched his cheek. “Since what?”

“Since we learned about Natalie, she haunts the edges of my nightmares like a fucking ghost in a graveyard, laughing the whole goddamn time. I guess being doubly haunted is another consequence I’ll have to pay.”

“Are you still afraid there will be repercussions for being with me, because if you do, you need to cut that crap out. We have a connection. I know you feel it too. We’ve both been fighting it, but it’s as pointless as stopping thunder after lightning.”

He smiled. “Like at the beach the night I met you.”

“Yeah.” She drew on all the reckless courage her heart possessed. “That night, I wanted to explore your body. Now I want to explore this thing between us, but you need to know that have a history of jumping in and then getting my heart broken. I don’t hold back. I pour my heart into things I believe in and when I don’t believe in them anymore, I cut my losses and suck up the pain. But if I didn’t chance heartache, I wouldn’t get the pleasure.”

Nic let out a long breath. “I want to spend eternity exploring you, but I don’t know how to let my guard down. It’s been up for so long. I’m afraid that if I let a woman make the slightest crack, it may all crumble around me.”

The heaviness he expelled cut her to the core. It also buoyed her hope that he was finally letting some of it go. “That’s because the women you’ve trusted beat you with a sledgehammer. I’m a doctor, remember? I can help fix the cracks.” She held her hand out. “Take a chance with me, Nic?”

Straddling her thighs, he sat back on his heels. With the tip of his bionic finger, he traced the underside of her breast. “Before I agree, I need a promise that if your safety is at risk, you will listen to me. If you disagree, we will discuss the matter and come up with a mutually agreeable compromise that will keep you safe.”