Page 154 of Seale the Deal

My lip quivers. How can you act so okay with this?

Baby, I’m dying inside, he says.

Then why are you doing it?

He looks at me for a long moment, and the heartbreak in his eyes nearly undoes me.

Because I know you’d never ask me to leave Alaska for you, he says quietly. You wouldn’t ask me to walk away from the life I love, the job I love, my family, or this town.

I nod because he’s right. I wouldn’t.

How do we do this?

I can go stay with Walter or something, he says.

The suggestion makes my stomach twist.

No. I wipe at my eyes. I’ll ask Remi if I can stay with her.

For a moment, neither of us says anything as the reality of what we’re agreeing to settles over the room.

Just this morning, I’d woken up tangled in his sheets with his arm draped across my waist. Now we’re standing here trying to figure out how to stop seeing each other, and it feels absurd.

Ruger nods slowly. Okay.

The word sounds as miserable as I feel.

Slowly, I stand and walk toward the stairs, which unfortunately means I have to pass him. As I do, he reaches out and catches me around the waist, stopping me. His arm settles across my stomach as he pulls me gently against his side and turns his head to press a kiss to my temple. I close my eyes and let myself absorb the love radiating from him, even though I don’t feel like I deserve it.

I promise that unless you say otherwise, I’ll meet you at our wedding, ready to choose you forever, he says against my skin.

Then he lets go.

And without another word, I head upstairs to find Remi.

If only heartbreak came with clarity. The problem is that I’ve been heartbroken before, and I learned something from it: heartbreak isn’t permanent. It feels endless while you’re living through it, but eventually, you wake up one morning and realize you’ve gone an entire day without thinking about the person who shattered you. You heal and find a way to move on. You build a life around the empty space they left behind. The truly terrifying part of losing someone you love isn’t the heartbreak. It’s realizing you lost yourself in the process. Ruger loves me enough to not let me do that again, even if it breaks both our hearts.

Chapter 33

Ruger

DAYS TO WEDDING: 30-29

You did the right thing, Walter says as we sit in the coffee shop after hours, nursing beers instead of lattes. His hand is steady on my shoulder, and it feels like he’s holding me together with that one touch.

I nod. I know.

The truth is, the past few days have been a slow dismantling of me. I’ve stacked wood. Untangled fishing line. Cleaned every square inch of my house. Kept my hands busy because when I stop, I swear I can hear my heart breaking apart piece by piece.

If she doesn’t marry me, I don’t know how to move forward.

A knock at the door drags me from my thoughts. Brandt’s face fills the window, grinning, carrying two six-packs and a book tucked under his arm. The grin fades when he sees me.

Not the face I was expecting at your bachelor party, he says as Walter lets him in.

I drag the heels of my palms into my eyes until colour sparks. The pain is sharp, but it doesn’t come close to the ache sitting in my ribs.

I think you need to tell him, son, Walter murmurs.