Page 121 of Seale the Deal

You don’t? Remi looks at her brother, who just shrugs.

She closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose. When she opens them again, her eyes are filled with a hurt I knew would come but kept convincing myself I could avoid if I knew what my end goal was.

And I can see it from her perspective. She’s done so much for me, and I stopped talking to her about the trajectory of the life I’m building here. I get that it’s my choice who I let in, but she’s my best friend.

Why did you keep it from me? She asks the same question I’m asking myself.

Because we didn’t know what this was, I say, but the answer sounds weak.

Remi looks at Ruger. Are you going to add anything?

What do you want me to say, Rem? he asks. Sorry for not dragging you through something that’s undefined and might change nothing?

When Ruger says it, it sounds equally as absurd.

Remi lets out an exasperated snort. But it’s not nothing. She looks between us. You’re acting like this is some kind of hypothetical thing that is going to happen someday. But you two had sex, and we all know that sex changes things.

I want to argue. To point out that she’s sleeping with Brandt and hasn’t exactly called a committee meeting over it. Ruger still has no idea that his best friend and sister are… what did she say? Putting the banana in the fruit salad?

But the argument dies before it reaches my lips. This isn’t about what she’s doing. It’s about the knot of guilt in my stomach and my desperate desire to make it go away.

This started as the three of us, and we let it become the two of us and sometimes Remi.

I can’t stop you two from sleeping together. You’re both adults. But this started because Wrenley needed a fast track into the States for her career. And I’m worried we’re losing sight of the goal, and someone is going to end up hurt. She swallows and shakes her head. I don’t want that for either of you.

Ruger lets out a slow breath, and I look down at my hands.

I think I’m going to go, she says after a moment of silence.

I look up. You don’t have to.

I need a little space, she says. To think. This surprised me. That’s all.

She heads toward the door, and I’m immediately following her. I can’t let her leave without her knowing that none of this was meant to hurt her.

Remi! I stumble after her, my heart racing as I head out the door.

She stops at the gate, stiff and trembling. A passerby strolls by, and Remi pastes on a too-bright smile, waving like nothing’s wrong. As soon as they’re gone, she says, Come sit in my truck.

We climb into her truck and sit in silence for a few seconds.

Remi, please, I say. I never meant for this secret to hurt you.

I’m not upset because you were keeping something from me, she says. I wish that were the issue because that would be so much easier to get past. I’m… scared. For you. For us. For our friendship.

I blink. That is not what I was expecting her to say.

Why?

She looks at me. Wren, you want big things for your life. And you should. You should dream big and run after those dreams because we only get to do this once.

I give a little smile. I’ve always loved Remi’s determination and the way she throws herself at life with her full chest.

And if Ruger is that dream, then great. Go to him.

My heart skips a beat.

But if he’s not… She trails off, searching for the words. If Alaska isn’t where you want to build your life, then you need to be honest with yourself before this goes any further.