Page 58 of I Never Stopped Loving You

She’s getting that look in her eyes again. The lovey-dovey sparkle she gets any time she talks about true love.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Maybe. But hey, what do I know? I’ve been shit out of luck for two years waiting on Mr. Right to cross my path. I’m starting to think he might have gotten hit by a bus.”

“Or maybe your Mr. Right and my Mr. Right are actually dating each other.”

“Ooh, we could be like sister wives…no. Is there a show where it’s two dudes and two chicks?”

“Not that I know of. It sounds like something that would be on MTV, though.”

“Oh, God. I miss old MTV. I always wanted my car to get chosen for Pimp My Ride,” she says as she dreamily looks out the back window before we both start cracking up.

“I’ll text him in a little while. I think I’m going to go for a drive.”

“A drive? You never just go for a drive. You okay?”

“Yeah. I just want to go drive along the water for a bit to clear my head.”

“Want me to come with you?”

I want to say yes, but at the same time, I can’t. She can’t know anything about where I’m going. No one can.

“Not this time. Thanks, though. What do you want to do for dinner?”

“Can we go to that burger place? I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

I glance at the clock on the microwave. It’s almost one. I should be able to get back by four or five.

“Sure. We can do that.”

“Hey, if you clear your head enough, can you invite Mr. Bigshot and see if he has a friend? Maybe our Mr. Rights are best friends.”

“I’ll think about it. Love ya.”

“Text me occasionally.”

“I will.”

I run upstairs and quickly pull on some warmer clothes. The first few flakes of snow have started to fall. Winter is officially here.

I don’t know what I’ll be walking into when I go back. I don’t know if there is anyone living at the house now or if they’ve condemned it. I don’t remember much from my childhood, but one thing’s for sure, I’ll never forget that house.

A little over an hour later, I’m pulling off the main road onto a dirt road. Fields seem to stretch forever. The temperature has dropped four degrees, and I forgot how quiet everything is around here. Occasionally, I’ve had to stop as the random rabbit or deer goes bounding across the road, but other than that, it’s been empty. I haven’t even seen a car for over fifteen minutes.

It's a Saturday. I’m surprised more people aren’t out and about, but I guess with the possibility of a bad storm coming tonight, people are being smart and hunkering down. Except me. I’m the idiot who decided today would be a great fucking day to take a trip down memory lane. To the hellhole I’ve been actively avoiding for the last four years.

I’ve tried to block out the memory. For years, it would only resurface maybe once a month. For the better part of my childhood, it didn’t even exist. It wasn’t until I got into a pre-college law program and was put on as a shadow for a case.

It was a domestic violence case. The man was on trial for multiple incidents of assault and more. When I looked at him, I only saw my father. The same look in his eyes. The curl of his lip in disgust when he looked at his wife. It was then that I decided I would do anything to become a lawyer, just so I could make sure scum like him didn’t get to go free.

It was shortly after that day that the nightmares started happening more frequently. I had to be put back on a stronger dose of anti-anxiety medication and antidepressants than I was on when I was younger. So far, the meds have helped, but they haven’t made it go away.

“In a quarter mile, your destination will be on the left,” Karen shouts through my speakers, startling me.

Yes, I call my GPS Karen. I slow my car, letting the tires coast until I’m right in front of the house. I don’t know if my heart stops beating or if time just freezes completely, but I feel like I can’t move. I can’t breathe. I can’t stop staring at the epicenter of my trauma.

*Ding*