Page 82 of Break Points and Face Offs

“No, no one’s sick.”

I try my best to keep my frustration in check. Getting visibly annoyed right now is not going to help.

To my surprise, my brain jumps to, What would Will do with his brother right now?

I cast my mind back to Will with his little brother. Or Will with his dad. How did he act around them? How did they make their relationship look so natural? So loving and relaxed?

I reach out, putting a hand to Jamie’s shoulder first. He doesn’t move, but he does glance down suspiciously at it. Taking a step closer, I let the arm snake around his shoulder until I’m in a one-armed hug with him. From here, I can turn it into a full hug.

Jamie just stands there, not pushing me away, but not hugging me back either.

“What are you doing?” he asks. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I break away enough to look into his face, holding him by the shoulders. He’s so like Mom. He got all her beauty without the cold edges. He’s so warm, far too warm for our family. But I’m worried we’ve already broken him if he can’t even accept a hug from his brother. That Father has already broken him.

“Don’t you hug people?” I ask.

“Of course I do. I hug Joelle all the time.”

So it is just me. Well, at least he’s not broken. I release him from the hug.

“I want you to be able to talk to me. I’m here for you and I’m on your side—even against Father.”

His eyes get wide at that.

“Really?”

“Yes. I’ve always been on your side. Didn’t you know that?”

He shakes his head.

“I was there for you when you came out, wasn’t I?”

He doesn’t meet my eyes.

“Wasn’t I?”

“You weren’t against me, you were just … quiet.”

My heart sinks.

“Quietly supportive.” I hate how uncertain my voice sounds.

Jamie’s coming out meant any feelings I had toward men had to be promptly squashed. But I’d tried not to focus on that, focusing instead on helping Jamie. I’d spoken to Father in private, more than once, using my diplomatic skills to smooth things over. I know how Father operates, how his mind works. A big, noisy declaration of support would have only made things worse for Jamie. Eventually, Father came around. Mostly. Just like I’d known he would.

But I hadn’t realized that Jamie didn’t know I was just trying to be strategic.

“I’m so sorry, Jamie. I am supportive. Of whatever you do. I just want you to be happy.”

He stares at his shoes. The nicer I am, the more uncomfortable he gets.

“I’m on your side, that’s all I’m saying. If you’re ever in trouble or need someone to talk to …” I trail off, realizing that no matter what I say, I probably won’t be his first call. Joelle or Texas Travis will be.

I feel raw when I drop Jamie outside the coffee shop. I wait, torturing myself by watching him meet his friends through the window. How easily his whole demeanor relaxes as soon as he’s away from me and with them instead.

I text Will.

Where are you?