Page 28 of Pucked Around and Found Out

“Your point?” I grit out through clenched teeth.

“A man who has lost the one person he considered his reason for existing is a dangerous man, unpredictable even.”

I keep my outrage of him speaking about Em hidden as I say, “Don’t presume to think you know how Xaden feels about losing his sister⁠—”

“Toren—” Tate doesn’t get to finish her warning. Alex slams his fist down on the table making me jump. Carn subtly shifts closer into me as if he is ready to protect me if The Butcher decides to come at me.

“Your assumptions are what are going to get you killed, you stupid fucking girl.” His words land like a punch to the gut. “I know how he’s thinking, how he’s feeling and can predict his next move because I was him once.” My brows raise slightly. “Losing my sister fucking slaughtered any good inside me. There was no color in my life after Ellie was gone, all I saw was black. I hated everything and everyone for a long time.” The pain in his tone can be felt. Tate rests her hand on top of his arm, offering her silent support while shooting me a warning glare.

“Ellie was a light to all of us,” Vatican says wistfully.

“Xaden is shrouded in darkness because that’s all he sees, this world took everything from him. With him feeling like he couldn’t control anything, he turned to the only thing he could control.”

Alex’s words are like a bucket of ice water being dropped on me. I understand now.

“Killing,” I breathe out.

He nods stiffly. “He’s in control. In those moments he holds the power. He decides if you live or die. It’s the greatest high you will ever experience. That’s his outlet.”

“He blames me for their deaths,” I blurt.

Alex looks over at Tate, they share a look. It’s a look of soulmates speaking without words being needed.

“Alex has more in common with your man than you think,” Tatum says quietly, as she continues to look at her man with utter devotion.

“How so?” I press.

She tears her gaze away from him and looks at me with a pained expression. “Your man blames you for his sister's death, even though you weren’t driving. He blames you for the crimes of your father and brother.” I nod. “Alex understands how he feels because…” She takes a deep breath. “My brother was the one who took his sister from him.”

My mouth parts and my eyes widen. I swear my heart stops for a second as her words sink in. I dart my gaze between the two of them, studying them like a complex puzzle I can’t solve.

It’s clear they are in love with each other, I can tell just from looking at Alex that he would burn the world down for Tate. He doesn’t hate her or want her dead for what her brother did.

Why can’t he see past my name like Alex did with Tate?

Anger unfurls inside me, not at them but at Xaden for not being able to see me as more than his enemy. He craves my demise, my pain and suffering.

To teach is to learn. To learn is to excel. To excel is to thrive. To thrive is to live.

I keep repeating that fucking phrase over and over again in my head. Breathing starts to become a chore, I’m on the verge of another panic attack. I close my eyes and picture the sound of the waves as they lap at the shore, think of his words as he held me and talked to me on the beach.

“I’m here,” I hear Harp say quietly from beside me.

It takes me a few minutes to get myself under control and get my emotions in check. When the panic passes I open my eyes and look directly at Alex.

“Xaden isn’t you. I’m not Tate. We won’t be the couple who beat the odds, this only ends one way. He wants me dead. I can’t let that happen, I’ll pull the trigger when the time comes and I have to live with the fact that one day, I’ll have to tell my child that I was the one who took their father from them.”

“You want a war?”

I hold Alex’s gaze so he can see the truth in mine. “Yes,” I say without hesitation.

“You’ll have the help of the Denver Kings as well as mine.” His admission stumps me.

“You’ll help?” I utter, he nods. “Why?”

Carnage stiffens beside me and something about that sets me on edge. “I won’t lose the only blood sibling I have left.” I jerk in surprise. I look over at Carnage who is looking at me with a guilt ridden look on his face.

“He isn’t talking about any of us, Tor,” Carn says in a tone that I’ve never heard him use before.