Page 23 of Pucked Around and Found Out

I can't even get the words out. Can't admit it out loud because if I do, it becomes real.

None of my men said a word the entire ride back to the house. They didn't need to. The silence was deafening, heavy with judgment and confusion.

I rule with an iron fist.

I'm not the guy who offers second chances or shows mercy.

If I give you a job, even if it's to slaughter your own father, you do it or you risk my wrath.

Killing Meekan?

I enjoyed every fucking second. The way he screamed, the way he begged, the sound of bone shattering under my hands, it was beautiful.

Breaking Steven?

Better than I dreamed. The sound of his screams is imprinted in my mind forever. I'll replay it every night as I drift to sleep, letting it lull me into dreams of revenge fulfilled.

Beating the shit out of Masen and burying a bullet in his chest?

I feel robbed. Cheated. I should have had more time to make him suffer, to make him pay for what he fucking did, what he took from me.

The cunt got off too easily.

Tink...

The image of her looking up at me with understanding in those devastating eyes makes rage and something else, something I refuse to name, churn in my gut.

She ruined my moment of numbness. Destroyed my chance at claiming justice and finally making that cocksucker she shares blood with suffer the way he deserves.

I had her.

At my mercy. Vulnerable. Waiting for me to end it.

She's never been afraid of dying. From the first fucking moment I met her, she's been begging me to end her life and claim her rotten soul. She offered it to me freely, like it was worthless.

“Fuck!”

My grip on the bear tightens until I'm crushing it, and frustration boils over inside me. I can't escape my own thoughts and it's driving me insane.

I hate this shit. I'm Xaden Devlin, I don't fuck up. Don't make mistakes or hesitate.

I kill. I take life.

I don't... give it.

But that's exactly what I did.

I never meant to. I was fucking reckless, stupid and weak.

“Want to talk about it?”

I look over and see Cas leaning against the doorjamb with his arms crossed over his chest. He's showered and changed into clean clothes.

I'm still covered in blood, Meekan's, Steven's, Masen's and I'm not willing to wash the evidence of the Kellars' demise from my skin. I want to fucking bask in it.

The feeling of knowing I did what I set out to do should feel... something. Victory? Satisfaction? Peace?

But it doesn't feel like any of those things.