Page 148 of Pucked Around and Found Out

“Because she wants it to stop,” I say.

“Because she knows Alex Denver doesn't stop,” Carnage corrects. “Not until he's satisfied. Everyone who has heard the rumors about The Butcher knows that once you’re strapped to his table, there is no leaving. And Devlin?” He shakes his head. “That motherfucker is... enjoying it. More than I've seen him enjoy anything. Because she tried to kill you.”

Harper makes a disgusted sound. “And you think that's romantic?”

“I think it's fucked up,” Carnage says bluntly. “But this is the world we live in—” He stops, clearly struggling. “Look, I hate admitting this. I hate Devlin. I don’t think he’s any good for you, but he lives by the same code we all do. Come after those we love and we’ll obliterate you. Fiona came after his sister, best friends and then tried to come after you and his kid to get at Alex. His reasoning is just my opinion.”

“He’s still an asshole,” Harper insists.

“Yeah,” Carnage agrees. “But it's who he is.”

Silence falls.

“I texted him,” Carnage finally says. “Told him you're awake. Fully conscious. That you're asking for him.”

“And?” I ask.

“He said he'll be here when he's done,” Carnage relays, and I can hear the disdain in his voice. “Said to tell you he's making sure Fiona pays for what she did. That he'll explain everything when he gets here.”

“When will that be?” I ask.

“Didn't say,” Carnage admits. “But knowing Alex? Could be hours. Could be days. Depends on how long Fiona lasts.”

“Days?” Harper explodes.

“Harper,” I cut her off quietly. “It's okay.”

“It's not okay⁠—”

“It's who he is,” I say, echoing Carnage's words. “And I knew that going in. I knew Xaden Devlin was a monster. I knew he chose violence. I knew he'd break my heart over and over.”

Tears fall despite my best efforts.

“But I love him anyway,” I admit, hating the look of agony on Carn’s face as I say those words aloud. “I'm having his baby. So either I accept who he is, or I walk away. And I don't—I can't walk away.”

Harper's expression softens slightly. “Tor⁠—”

“I'm tired,” I say, cutting her off. “I'm tired of defending him. Tired of waiting for him. Tired of being understanding. But I also know that when he gets here—whenever that is—I'm going to forgive him. Because I always do.”

“That's not healthy,” Harper says gently.

“I know,” I admit. “But it's the truth.”

Carnage stands. “I need to get back. Alex wants me to take a turn while he takes a break. But Tor? For what it's worth…” He closes his eyes and when they open, I see a range of emotions that has my chest aching. “Devlin does love you. He's just shit at showing it.”

“That's not a defense,” Harper points out.

“I know,” Carnage agrees. “But that's all I've got.”

He looks at me one more time.

“You did good tonight, darlin’,” he says quietly. “You survived. You protected your baby. You killed the person who tried to hurt you. That's what matters. I’m just so sorry I wasn’t there to help.” Guilt gnaws at me. “For what it’s worth, darlin’… Xaden has no fucking idea how lucky he is to have you. If the son of a bitch doesn’t wake up to himself soon… Someone else will slip in and steal you out from under him and love you like you deserve to be loved.”

He leaves, and Harper and I are alone again with Carnage’s not so subtle declaration hanging in the air.

“I'm sorry,” she says after a moment. “I know I'm being harsh. I just—I hate seeing you hurt. And he keeps hurting you.”

“I know,” I whisper.