Page 84 of I’m Already Gone

Lily

I hear the truth and undeniable sincerity in his voice. But it’s the look in his eyes that stops me cold. Those ocean eyes. It’s like looking into a mirror at the fear we both feel.

There was a time when looking into them felt like getting lost at sea. When he looked at me like this, he used to make me feel like I was the only thing that mattered. Like the queen of the ocean we were sailing on. I genuinely believed if I ever got shipwrecked or lost, he’d dive down to the deepest trench to haul me back up. He’d never quit until I was safe, right there in his arms.

And that feeling is back. I know deep down that he would move mountains to make sure I’m comfortable and happy. Even if we could never get to be “us” again, not like we used to be.

For a split second, I crave it, that feeling of being seen, of being loved, of being put first without having to fight for it.

But then the fear creeps back in. I’m so damn scared that the moment—this tiny bit of calm water we’re floating on—is going to crash. And that those massive waves we thought we finally fought off are waiting to come crashing down and sweep us off the boat, taking all the good memories and the possibility of a second chance with them, sending us back into the deep blue abyss.

“Lily?” The nurse calls my name from the doorway.

I shake my thoughts away and peer up at Ethan. “Show time,” I say with a smile.

Ethan stands up. “I’m coming with you.”

I tip my head, letting my gaze sweep over his concerned face. “It’s going to be a while, Ethan.”

He shrugs. “I don’t care. I want to be with you.”

I give him a nod, too exhausted to argue.

The nurse leads us down the hallway into the suite. The air smells faintly of antiseptic and plastic. I settle into the wide recliner when the nurse says, “Get comfy and we’ll get you hooked up shortly.”

I reach for my bag, and my stomach drops. “Wait!” I blurt out.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Ethan asks before the nurse can.

“My comfort bag,” I whisper, anxiety tightening my chest. “It’s not here.”

It has everything. The lavender neck pillow, the noise-canceling headphones, and my favorite fleece blanket. The thought of sitting here for the next few hours without it feels unbearable.

“The purple bag?” he confirms, already scanning the room.

I nod miserably.

His shoulders visibly relax, the tension leaving his posture. “Relax, Lily,” he says, a familiar smirk playing on his lips as he pats my knee. “I think I saw it in the car. I’ll run down and get it.”

Tears prick at the back of my eyes. “Thank you,” I say, feeling silly.

He presses a quick, familiar kiss to the top of my head. “Always.”

I watch him slip out and immediately miss his presence.

I may be uncertain about the future, about how many more times I’ll have to sit in this chair, but I’m determined to be here now, in the present, with my children and now with Ethan by my side.

Ethan

“How is Lily doing?” Marcus asks when I call. I lean against the patio door watching Jake, Maddy, and Ollie swim in the pool.

I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. “She’s having a better day today.”

“I’m glad you’re there, man. You’re doing the right thing, taking the time off.”

I smile faintly. “I’m not leaving her side again, Marcus.”

“I know, man,” he says softly. “I know.”