Page 64 of I’m Already Gone

“Thank you,” I manage, reaching for her hand and squeezing it.

“We made you breakfast, Mom,” Maddy announces, settling in beside me and resting her head on my shoulder.

“You did?” I kiss the top of her head, my heart swelling. “Thank you.”

“Do you want to eat it now or open your present, Mom?” Jake asks.

“I’ll open first and then eat,” I decide.

I peel away the pretty purple wrapper, and my breath catches. It’s a beautiful, personalized, stained-glass, heart-shaped sun catcher. The top part of the frame forms a larger heart filled with a colorful stained-glass pattern in shades of pink, orange, yellow, blue, and purple. Curving around the top heart is a message that reads: “I’ll Always Be Right There.” Inside the lower heart-shaped opening, there’s an outline of three children sitting close together with their backs facing me, their names etched on the backs of their shirts.

“I love it,” I rasp, tears blurring my vision. “It’s so beautiful.” I run my fingertips along the delicate, intricate artwork and the small, shaped figures: Jake, Ollie, and Maddy, in that order.

I look up, my vision still misty, and see tears falling freely from Sam’s eyes.

“Are you hungry now, Mama?” Ollie asks, peering up at me through his long lashes, his small hand touching my arm.

“I am,” I say with a soft smile, leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose.

Jake walks over with the tray, and once Ollie scoots to the side, Jake sets it right in front of me.

“Oh, my goodness. This looks so good,” I praise, my eyes widening at the spread—chocolate chip pancakes piled high with strawberries and whipped topping, a bowl of fresh-cut fruit, crispy bacon, and a tall glass of cranberry juice. I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat it all because of the chemo, but I’ll eat what I can, savoring every bite.

“Don’t eat too much,” Sam says, as if reading my very thoughts. “We have a special day planned for you. As long as you’re up for it.”

I look at each of my children, their faces alight with anticipation. “A day to spend with all of you is a day I will never say no to.”

I stare at my reflection in the mirror, my hands running over the light purple long summer maxi dress with spaghetti straps. It hangs loosely over my waist, but it’s still my favorite dress.

My hair is styled in a side-swept hairstyle in soft waves. My favorite stud earrings are in, and with the help of Sam, I opted for light, subtle pink blush, cool berry lip balm, and neutral eyeshadow in gradient style.

I reach for the purple, white, and pink beaded bracelet Maddy made for me last year and slip it over my wrist. Glancing back at the mirror, I see the old Lily who was free of cancer, but I feel like I’m hiding behind a mask of who I really am. Soon, my hair will be falling out completely, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.

A light knock on my door pulls me away from my thoughts.

“Come in,” I call out and glance over my shoulder.

“Lily?” Mom says as she steps into the room. Her eyes roam down to my feet.

“Oh, honey,” she gushes. “You look so beautiful.”

I smile. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Are you ready?” she asks.

I turn back to the mirror and take one last look at myself. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

I reach for my white cardigan at the end of the bed.

“How are you feeling?” she asks, helping me with my cardigan.

“I’m good.”

The day was long but perfect. After eating breakfast in bed, we all went to the beach and hung out. My parents rented a cabana with a tent to ensure I stayed out of the sun. I watched the kids play volleyball with Sam and my parents while I helped Ollie build a sandcastle. I couldn’t have asked for a better day, but there’s still more to come.

“Are you sure you’re up to tonight?” Mom asks.

“Yeah, of course. The kids worked really hard today. I don’t want to miss it.”