Page 57 of I’m Already Gone

“K. Love you, Dad.”

“Love you too,” I reply, watching her retreat inside the house.

Ethan

With a sigh that feels like it scrapes the bottom of my soul, I shuck my briefcase onto the polished marble floor and pull the set of keys from my pocket. They clink with an almost mocking cheerfulness as I drop them into the stupid glass bowl on the entry table.

My tie, a silk noose around my neck, feels suffocating. I loosen it with a grunt, then rip the damn thing off, tossing it without a glance onto the pristine white couch.

I need a drink—a stiff one. Spending the short amount of time with Ollie today completely wrecked me in a good way. His wide, innocent eyes, the way his small hand fit so perfectly in mine, and the way he smiled at me. Lily and I were supposed to have more children. We talked about it, dreamed about it. But then she ended up having Ollie with another man instead. Because of me. And yeah, it hurt like a son of a bitch, that gaping hole in our shared future. But the kid? Ollie is sweet as hell. And I don’t despise him. Not for a second. In fact, seeing him today, seeing how much he needs... something, someone... it solidified this gnawing feeling inside me. I want to get to know him better. I don’t know who the kid’s biological father is, or why he isn’t around, but every child needs a father. I have enjoyed every single minute of my own kids’ lives, every scraped knee, every bedtime story, every goofy drawing. I want that for Ollie. He deserves that.

I reach the gleaming chrome and dark wood of my built-in bar. My hand finds the heavy, crystal decanter of bourbon. The amber liquid sloshes satisfyingly as I pour a generous measure into a tumbler, the ice clinking like tiny, distant bells. I take a long, slow drink, the bourbon burning a path down my throat, a welcome heat spreading through my chest.

My phone buzzes with a text from Lily. My heart does that familiar little lurch.

Lily

Thank you, Ethan. I really appreciate you picking up Ollie. That was very kind of you.

No worries at all, Lily. How are you feeling today?

Lily

Getting there, slowly.

Yeah, she is still not well. And the “slowly” confirms it. It is her quiet signal, the one she’d use whenever she was completely worn down from the kids, taking care of the house, or when she was fighting off the flu, trying to convince everyone she was fine.

This might sound a bit out of the blue, and seriously, no pressure to say yes, but it’s my night with the kids tomorrow. Would you mind if Ollie tagged along?

A beat passes. No reply.

I can almost picture her staring at her phone, probably wondering what the hell I’m playing at. Why would I offer to take her son, whom she had with another man? But after today, watching Ollie, something shifted. I realized whatever happened between Lily and me, it wasn’t his fault. He’s an innocent kid caught in the middle of our mess, and he doesn’t deserve my coldness.

Lily

Why would you do that?

Because I still love you. But I don’t tell her that.

Sam has her class, and you’re still sick. It might give you more time to rest.

Lily

My parents said they could watch him if I needed them to.

Sure, but I was planning on pizza and hitting up the arcade with the kids. I thought he might enjoy that.

Lily

He’d probably love that, yeah.

A long pause. Then the typing bubble appears again.

Lily

Thank you, Ethan. Truly. That means a lot.

You’re welcome. Get some rest.