Page 30 of I’m Already Gone

“Yeah, I know. I’ll go upstairs and get ready,” he mutters, placing his dirty bowl into the sink before trudging upstairs.

Just then, the doorbell rings.

I walk to the door and open it, and my breath catches when I see Ethan standing on my porch. He looks incredibly handsome in a baby-blue dress shirt and perfectly tailored gray pants, his silver tie gleaming like polished metal. Not a single thread out of place, as if time has merely refined him, while it has scarred me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

After our divorce, he usually waits in his car. Before he can answer, Ollie barrels toward me, wrapping his tiny arms around my legs. Then he looks up at Ethan with a bright grin that could light the grayest sky.

“Hi!” Ollie chirps, lifting one hand to wave.

Ethan doesn’t answer right away. His gaze drops to Ollie, and something painful flickers across his face. My chest tightens. I shift Ollie behind me, shielding him from Ethan’s stare.

The movement seems to knock Ethan out of his trance.

He clears his throat. “Hi.” Then his gaze lifts to mine. “Jake’s been worried about you.”

“Why?”

“He said you haven’t been yourself lately.” Ethan furrows his brow. “Are you sick?”

“You’re not sick, right, Mama?” Ollie asks, peeking up at me with wide, worried eyes so much like mine.

“No, I’m not,” I reassure him, ruffling his hair.

I lift my gaze back to Ethan. “I’m really fine. Besides, Jake doesn’t need to worry about me.”

Ethan offers a small, rueful smile and shoves his hands into his pockets. “I guess he gets it from me.”

“Well, that’s not your job anymore, is it?” I respond, the words are simply a statement.

He holds my gaze, his expression softening further. “I never stopped, Lily. Not once. And looking after you was never a job to me.”

Ethan takes a small step closer, closing the distance between us. “You’re the mother of my children; of course I’m going to worry. And honestly, I’m not checking in because Jake asked. Though I did promise him I would.” He pauses, a beat of comfortable silence hanging between us. “I wanted to see with my own eyes how you’re doing.”

I muster a weak smile. “It’s been a rough couple of days,” I confess, suddenly nervous being around him. The fragile wall I’ve built around me since his affair falters for a moment.

“We’re ready,” Jake calls out, descending the steps with Maddy following behind. He stands beside me, tickling Ollie’s side, making him giggle.

“Hey, Dad,” Maddy says.

“Hey, sweet pea,” he says quietly.

“Jake.” Ollie tugs at the hem of his brother’s shirt with hopeful eyes.

Jake chuckles and bends down to meet him halfway. Ollie cups his hand to Jake’s ear, but I can hear his urgent whisper: “Can I please go with you, Jake?”

My chest tightens. Ollie hates it when Jake and Maddy leave with Ethan, hates being the one left behind. No amount of explanation can bridge the gap in his understanding: that Ethan is their dad, not his. To Ollie, it doesn’t matter. All he knows is his big brother and sister are going somewhere without him, and he’s not invited. He’s told me, “I won’t be in the way, Mom, I promise.” Hearing that broken little voice always shatters a piece of me.

Jake’s jaw clenches, just a flicker, but he smooths it out quickly. “Not this time, bud,” he says gently. “But hey, before you know it, I’ll be back, and then we’ll tear into that new Lego set. I pinky promise. Okay?” He holds up his pinky.

Ollie looks at it for a second, then loops his own around it and nods. But even that small connection doesn’t lift the weight on his shoulders. He steps closer to me, pressing against my leg and bowing his head.

“Hey, are you okay?” I ask Ollie, rubbing his back, trying to catch his eye.

He shrugs, not looking at me, his gaze fixed on the floor.

“Well, you guys better get going,” I say, a little too loud, needing Ethan out of my house so I can comfort my baby boy. “Have fun, you two.” I pull Maddy into a hug, kissing her temple. “I love you, honey.”