Page 144 of I’m Already Gone

She grins. “Well then, I guess fate had it all figured out for us.”

I lean down, pressing my lips to hers again. “Yes, we were definitely meant to be together.”

We lay still, suspended in the moment as the world continues to dance around us. A warm breeze brushes over us, carrying the scent of the ocean when Lily speaks.

“I never got a chance to say goodbye to you,” she says, her voice fracturing the quiet evening.

“Lily, please. Don’t.”

I can’t handle it. Not now. Not ever. Let me live in blissful denial for a little longer.

“I know you don’t want me to,” she breathes, each word a struggle, “but I need to say it. I have to.”

I nod and squeeze her hand, bringing it to my lips, pressing a kiss to her cold knuckles.

“You have been… an amazing husband, Ethan. My best friend. An amazing father. You’ve given me years of wonderful memories that I will hold close to my heart… until I’m gone.”

She swallows hard, a cough escaping her lips as she steadies herself with a deep breath.

“Thank you, Ethan, for loving me. For taking care of me. For protecting me. And for giving me two beautiful children. But also for loving a child that isn’t biologically yours,” she adds.

A vice tightens around my lungs until each breath becomes a desperate gasp. Her words are like razors, stripping away my composure. The more she speaks, the more her voice frays.

“I want you to know,” she continues, “that you have given me a world beyond what I could ever imagine. A world full of love, compassion, forgiveness, and… and hope.”

The corners of her lips pull down, trembling uncontrollably as if she is battling an overwhelming tide of emotion. “Regardless of the last four years… that we were not together, I never once stopped loving you. Or stopped caring for you. Or wanting to make sure that you were happy.” She pauses, a raw, ragged sound escaping her. “Because you made up for it… by coming back to me. By giving me the space and time to accept you back into my life, to forgive you, and to love you even more.”

No matter how hard I try, I can’t hold back the tears. They flow down my face, leaving paths to my lips and chin.

“I know this is probably… a lot to ask of you,” she whispers, “but I put it in my will… that I would like you to adopt Ollie.”

A choked gasp tears through her, followed by a series of desperate, shuddering cries. I pull her closer, my arms a desperate cage around her, but I can’t speak. The words are lodged, a painful knot in my throat.

“He already loves you… as if you were his father,” she continues. “And I know that he is in good hands with you. Because you will love him and protect him and guide him… the way you have with Maddy and Jake.”

I lift her fully onto my chest, cradling her, holding her while raw, guttural sobs tear from both of us. Her body shakes uncontrollably against mine, shattering the last shred of my composure. The dam I built, the wall I worked so hard to keep up for her, to keep myself strong, crumbles into rubble, unleashing a torrent of grief.

“I… I will be honored to adopt him,” I choke out. “I already love him. He’s my son. Our son.” I can barely hear my own words over the sounds of our shared anguish.

“I don’t want to die, Ethan,” she says, crying harder. “I don’t want to leave you. Any of you.”

“I promise I’ll never let you go,” I whisper, pressing my lips against her temple, “not in this lifetime, and not in the next.”

We curl into each other, arms wrapped around one another so tightly it feels as if we’re trying to merge.

“Thank you… for letting me love you, Lily,” I rasp. “I will always love you.”

Her last words are a broken testament. “I love you so much, Ethan.”

She pauses, a shuddering exhale escaping her lips, then a faint, almost inaudible whisper: “I will wait for you.”

Lily

My breath catches, a dry, ragged gasp that barely fills my lungs. Each shallow intake is a desperate fight against the growing fog in my mind. Why am I so cold? It’s ninety degrees outside, yet an icy chill has settled deep in my bones, spreading outwards like a slow poison.

My gaze drifts, heavy and unfocused, to Ethan. He’s still there, lying on his back, facing me. His chest rises and falls with a steady, quiet rhythm. He looks so peaceful.

But life can be so cruel. To offer such a beautiful gift, only to snatch it away in the blink of an eye, leaving nothing but this agonizing void.