Page 138 of I’m Already Gone

Ollie cries, and it shatters my heart. “I don’t want you to go.”

I peek through the cracked door to see Lily pulling Ollie into her arms, holding him close, and rocking him back and forth.

“I know you don’t, and I don’t want to leave. But until that happens, I’m still here, okay?” She pulls back to look into his tear-streaked face.

“Okay, mama.”

“We’re going to spend as much time as we can together to make the best of it. Would you like that?” she asks him, cupping his face.

He nods.

“Good,” she replies, and he throws his arms around her neck, crying softly.

I step back to give them a moment and slide down the wall, pulling my knees to my chest, feeling utterly helpless. I lean my head back, listening to her sing a lullaby. The same lullaby she sang to Jake and Maddy when they were little.

After a few moments, her voice fades, and I force myself to stand. I peek into the room again, and our eyes lock.

“Hey,” I whisper, stepping into the room.

“Hey. I felt you earlier,” she replies quietly, her fingers still caressing Ollie’s back, who has fallen into a peaceful sleep on her lap.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, taking a seat beside her on the bed.

Her lips curve upwards, but the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m as good as I can be.”

I nod, accepting her response but not liking it much.

Silence stretches between us until she utters the words that pull the ground out from under me. “I think it’s time for me to say my goodbyes.”

My entire body tenses, and I shoot her a look of disbelief. “What are you talking about?”

She tilts her head, a sympathetic look in her eyes. “You know what I’m talking about, Ethan.”

“No.” I shake my head and turn away from her, hot tears stinging my eyes.

“Ethan.”

“I’m not ready, Lily.” I turn back to her. “Ollie’s not ready. None of us are.”

“No one is ever ready for this, Ethan, but it can’t be helped.”

I know she’s right, but I fucking hate it. I hate that she’s the one who’s been forced into this position, someone who is far too young to face death. She hasn’t lived her life. We haven’t lived our lives together.

God, I hate that I lost so much time with her. Four fucking years I can’t take back.

And now we won’t have our forever.

Lily

“Morning, everyone,” I call out cheerfully, stepping into the living room.

Ethan and the kids are hanging out in the living room.

“I feel really good today,” I add.

It’s so weird. For days, I was dragging, feeling miserable, waiting for the day that would be my last. But this morning, it was as if a switch flipped. I woke up feeling like a brand-new person with energy and a clear mind.

Ethan glances up from the game, his eyes scanning me. “Yeah?” he asks.