Page 84 of Dose

“Logged.”

She settles against my chest again.

“You needed it too,” she says.

“Yes.”

“Did it help?”

“For an hour, I knew the limits. I knew what I was responsible for and what would end it.” I tighten my right arm around her. “That was enough.”

“Good.”

“You are not responsible for regulating me.”

“I know.” She kisses the center of my chest. “I didn’t do it because I owed you. I did it because I wanted what you wanted.”

I hold her until the last tension leaves her body.

Then I tell her about Ezra.

“He asked me for three things this week,” I say. “An anxiolytic. A focus enhancer. And the old tremor suppressant I removed from my own regimen after Raphael challenged the way I was using it.”

Isla goes still. “Did you give them to him?”

“No. I don’t know whether he meant to combine them. Dispensing any of them without assessment could hide exhaustion, worsen his judgment, or create physical risk. Raphael handles medication, and Ezra knows it.”

“Did you tell Raphael?”

“This afternoon. He is checking on Ezra in the morning.”

She turns the information over. “Has Ezra said why he wants them?”

“He says his hands are interfering with the model and sleep is inefficient.”

“That sounds like Ezra.”

“It does. Asking me to medicate around it does not.”

“Then we ask him. Directly.”

“With Raphael.”

“No cornering him with the entire family.”

“Agreed.”

Her hand finds mine beneath the blanket.

“Tomorrow?” she asks.

“Tomorrow.”

She settles back against me. Her breathing slows toward sleep, four counts in and four out. I remain awake, tracing the curve of her shoulder with my right hand.

Nine days until the provisional access attempt. Korte may be waiting at the western hub. Isla may be required on site, or the plan may change enough that none of us goes near it. Ezra is asking chemistry to do work it cannot safely do.

I control none of those things tonight.