Page 56 of Ice Rebel

Jasper didn’t explode as I thought he’d do, instead taking his time to think about my accusation or my recommendation or whatever he chose to call my outburst. Eventually, he nodded and looked away for ten whole seconds. That also usually wasn’t a good sign.

We’d learned to count the seconds it took the man to regroup before he lashed out. The longer wait meant he was struggling with murderous thought. We’d also heard through the grapevine that after he’d been accused of his affair with the girl, he’d attacked her father.

That had given Jasper legendary status since no one could find anything about the scandal on the internet. And everything was on the internet.

When Jasper snapped his head in my direction, instead of a sneer or even a scowl, he had a smile on his face. “Alright, Ms. Black. If you’re insistent that your choreography will be a more potent combination for the audience, then by all means.” He backed away, sweeping out his long arm toward the dance floor.

“By all means what?”

“Tom. Cue the music,” he instructed. “Then by all means convince me. But don’t hold anything back and I do mean anything. If I don’t feel the despair the mother is going through, if I don’t want to fall to the ground in tears, wailing for her, then the piece will be dropped from the upcoming program.”

“What?” I started to shout he couldn’t do that, but of course he could. And there was no one to plead with about his decision. We were a small dance company, barely making ends meet through shitty ticket sales and patrons of the arts, and I’d heard donations had dwindled over the years.

I was paid one hundred big dollars per performance, which was why I worked at the gym to try to make ends meet. If the shows went well, we all received a bonus, but not if our performances sucked.

“You heard me, girl. You think you know better, then by all means show me.” Jasper backed away and his expression was more like a Cheshire cat. He didn’t think I had it in me.

One other thing about my personality and it came directly from a movie. Nobody put baby in a corner.

I took my position as our poor music director cued up my song. I’d never suggest I was a choreographer, but the song by Evanescence deserved everyone’s full attention. I couldn’t think of a more fitting piece for utter despair than ‘My Immortal.’

As the music began, I tried to clear my mind. Since I’d never lost a child, filling the role was the most daunting one of my career. But I sensed I was up for the challenge.

By the time the second chorus had begun and I was close to the point of altering the choreography, I realized that I was being too focused on the loss of a child. Yes, so incredibly horrible, but the feelings of loss, no matter who the person or the beloved pet, were one of the most deeply emotional and personal things anyone could ever experience.

And everyone handled loss differently.

Through the jetés and pirouettes, I didn’t just fall into the rhythm of the steps, most of which I’d practiced dozens of times. I was the music. I was the woman whose spirit had been crushed by losing her only child. The man who’d wept beside his wife’s hospital bed for eighteen months while she fought and lost her battle with cancer. And the child who felt abandoned by her parents because she wasn’t everything they’d hoped and demanded she should be.

With the tragedy of so many lives bearing down on me, I presented my soul the music and to the dance, bearing all that I had in my heart. As the last few haunted bars slowly faded, I collapsed to the floor, broken and bleeding deep inside.

At least that’s what I hoped the audience would see and feel.

The silence was deafening and lasted for far too long. Another sign that I’d fucked up. Maybe I should just walk to the broom closet that was the dressing room I shared with every other female dancer and grab my things.

Just as I moved to stand, I heard applause from behind me. Jasper’s applause. He never did so unless he was happy with a performance. By the time I was on my feet, my fellow dancers were clapping as well.

Smiling, I nodded in their direction before turning around to face our ballet director. As he came forward, the smile remained and it wasn’t a double-edged sword. At least not yet.

“I must admit, Ms. Black, I had my doubts about you, not only for this composition but as a dancer. You’ve always held back. I don’t know why. Your talent is immeasurable but means nothing if you don’t put yourself out there. Your vulnerability today, the courage you used to push not only me but yourself with the music was phenomenal and that’s what will make you a star.”

There had to be a catch.

“A round of applause, people. We are watching a star being born.” Now that Jasper required the others to cheer me on, I could feel how disgruntled they’d become.

“Thank you, Jasper. I appreciate your kind words.”

His smile faded. Here came the backlash, the sword being sharpened. “That’s all for today. We have our performance on Friday. Don’t forget.”

As the others started to head out, I hoped I could slip away but Jasper moved so I couldn’t walk away from him.

“I meant what I said, Chelsea. You are perhaps the most talented dancer I’ve ever had the privilege of working with, but something had been holding you back. I don’t know if it’s a job or a relationship with your family or something else, but that suddenly seemed to change. Why?”

Was he asking me to pull out my crystal ball? “I don’t know. I just believed in the story.”

“I think it’s more that you are finally able to believe in yourself. I think that came from someone you trust or perhaps more. Whatever the case, I’m pleased and even thankful you’re coming out of your shell. Keep up the good work. And don’t think you’re going to be receiving compliments from me from now on.”

My thoughts drifted to Roy, a man who’d awakened more than just my longing to play pool. The only change had been in spending time with him. He’d complimented me on my dance. Had it been that easy or was I making more out of what we’d shared than was acceptable?