Page 64 of The Last Thing You Said

“Before,” she says, her tone sad.

“Before.”

“What else? There’s got to be more than a dimple that is clearly an urban legend.”

“Funny. You know about the agates, how he used to polish rocks?” I slip my hand into my pocket to make sure the agate is there and startle when I remember that it’s not. “I don’t think he does it anymore. But when he did, he was always so careful and gentle with the stones. Like they were the most precious things on earth. And I always thought that he treated people the same way he handled the rocks. He cared.”

“‘Cared’ as in past tense?” Hannah asks. “Again, this is not something I’ve witnessed.”

“I know.”

“What else?”

“He calls his mother Mum.”

“Weird.”

“She’s British. Emily was the first baby he ever held. She was so tiny in his arms, and he held her so carefully, like she might break. I remember everything about the day she was born. I got to go to the hospital with them to visit. He looked down at her and grinned, like he’d never seen anything so amazing in his life.”

“That’s so sweet,” Hannah says.

I nod. “Emily has always felt so safe around Ben. He’s strong and smart and he knows how to take care of people. And I guess that’s what I loved most about him. He made me feel safe, like if I was with him, nothing bad would happen.”

“But it did,” Hannah says, slowly, cautiously. “And he hasn’t been very protective of you since, has he?”

She’s right again. I nod. “He’s changed.”

“Yeah, he’s changed, but it doesn’t mean that deep down, everything you loved about him isn’t still there.”

Maybe. Maybe it is. But I’ve changed, too.

“So that’s it?” Hannah says in a light tone when I don’t say anything. “That’s what you love about him so much? How about those abs or that cute butt?” She grins.

“Oh, there’s more. But Trixie asked me what I liked about him right after I confessed to her. Those were the first five things I thought of.”

“And you remember them? After all this time?”

“I’ll never forget.”

“I wish I had known Trixie,” Hannah says. “Do you think all three of us would have been friends? Or maybe you wouldn’t have needed me, and I would have been the lonely new girl.”

“Oh, I think Trix would have loved you,” I say, and I mean it.

“Tell me about her,” Hannah says.

I do. I tell her all my best Trixies.

I tell her about swim meets and sleepovers and shopping trips to St. Cloud for new school clothes. I tell her about summer days on the pontoon, summer evenings at the Watermelon Days carnival.

Someday I will tell this story to Emily, how Hannah and I sat at this picnic table and talked about Trixie, and this memory will be one of my best Hannahs.

“I suppose we should get back to the boys,” I say.

I’m surprised when Hannah hugs me.

“I know I tease you about Ben a lot, but it’s obvious, Lucille. You shouldn’t be hooking up with Simon Stanford. You and Ben should be together. I’m serious. Anybody can see it.”

“That’s sweet, but I think we both know that is not going to happen.”