Page 18 of The Last Thing You Said

Oh God, please don’t let her walk over here and talk to me now. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it together. She must feel the same way, because she puts her head down and scurries away, fast.

I hate this. I hate that I can’t figure out a way to make things better. I hate that I don’t deserve to be forgiven.

I walk over to Trixie’s grave and pull Mum’s garden shears out of my back pocket. I’ve got to make this quick.

There’s a root beer barrel on the stone. Trix and Lucy loved going to Sweet Pea’s on Saturday mornings to spend their allowance money on candy. They’d come home and sit in the sunroom to divide up the bag—hard candy for Trixie, chocolate and fudge for Lulu.

Once, a few summers ago, I followed them to Sweet Pea’s, made it seem like I was running an errand for Dad to the hardware store.

“Why are you following us, Ben?” Trixie asked.

“I’m not,” I said, slowing my bike so that I didn’t run into them.

“You’re not supposed to ride your bike on the sidewalk,” she said.

“Who’s going to stop me?”

“Go home.”

“I’ve got to pick up some nails for Dad.”

“Nails?” Trixie cried. “What does he need nails for?”

“Dunno. He said for me to pick up some two-and-a-half-inch siding nails.” I thought that sounded believable enough. “So that’s what I’m doing. What are you doing?”

“You know what we’re doing,” Trixie said. “We’re going to Sweet Pea’s.” She stopped and turned around, her hands on her hips. Lucy stopped, too, her hands jammed in the pockets of her shorts. She stared at the ground, didn’t look up at me.

“Why don’t you ever buy me any fudge, Lulu?” I asked. Her head snapped up, and her eyes were wide with something—surprise, fear, I didn’t know. “Hey,” I said, “I’m only teasing.”

She blushed and turned away, started walking again.

“Leave us alone, Ben,” Trixie said. “Go buy your nails.”

Later, after Lucy had gone home, I found a piece of maple fudge, my favorite, wrapped in pea green tissue, on the desk in my bedroom next to my rock tumbler.

After that, every time the girls went to Sweet Pea’s, I found a piece of maple fudge on my desk later. For two years. Until Trixie died and there were no more trips to Sweet Pea’s, no more sounds of laughter from the sunroom.

I try not to cry as I cut a few blooms off the lilac bush, but I can’t help it. I brush the tears away with the back of my hand before I walk back down the hill.

I was right to avoid this place. I won’t come back here again.

The Tallest Tower in All the Land

Trixie and Lulu loved to explore their world. They hiked in the woods and swam in the lakes. They caught fish and threw them back for another day.

They climbed trees in the park, giant box elder and oak, even though Lulu’s heart raced with fear as she searched for footholds and held on with sweating palms. “Be brave,” Trixie reminded her, and Lulu was. When she could go no farther, she looked out over the beautiful, tranquil lake for which their town was named: Halcyon. She had never seen anything so stunning. From here, at the top of this box elder tree, the lake was theirs. It belonged to them.

And then one day, Trixie’s brother, Ben, told them he knew of a place with an even more spectacular view, the tallest tower in all the land. The entire countryside laid out before them—sky and cloud, lake and pine—for as far as the eye could see.

Lulu wondered if she would ever be able to climb such a tower, or if her fear would keep her away.

But one day, when Trixie was feeling particularly adventurous, the two best friends left behind their serene lake in search of the new and the unexplored, the promise of something they’d never before beheld.

If Lulu had been afraid of climbing the giant box elder tree in the park, she was paralyzed with fear when they finally reached their destination that perfectly cloudless summer afternoon. The blue sky stretched out above them, and when Lulu tipped her head up and saw the giant wooden structure before her, her knees began to shake.

“How tall is it?” Lulu asked.

Trixie did not know, exactly, but Ben had told her that there were one hundred and thirty winding steps to the top. “Lulu,” Trixie said, “I know that deep inside, you have the courage to climb to the top of that tower.”