Page 36 of The Second Chance Supper Club

‘It was … It was like he’d just tossed me, and all of our life up to then, aside, just like that. Like none of it had even mattered.’

‘Bloody hell.’ Nikki rested a hand gently on Cath’s shoulder, as they stood together, the cooling summer breeze swirling around them.

‘Come on, we’ve still a way to the top,’ Cath chivvied them on.

The hill was getting steeper now, and they slowed their pace. Cath could feel her thighs burn.

‘Jeez,’ Nikki puffed away beside her.

The path became rocky. They had to watch their step. ‘And then him coming back like that …’ Cath continued as they neared the brow, feeling there was more to say. ‘Walking into my new home, my new life … It made me angry and there was all that hurt still there. It just shook me up a bit.’ She paused, then added, ‘And I don’t really like to admit it, but it’s been confusing. It’s like, seeing him again and talking, he reminded me of everything we did have before, before the huge bloody mess … that it had mattered, and it does still matter to him. I’m no mug. I’ll not be daft about it. But why do I still feel something? It’s so weird. Just thinking that, I feel like I’m letting myself down …’

‘Oh, Cath, hun. You can’t just switch off your feelings. You were together for so long … what was it, twenty-odd years …?’

‘Thirty.’

‘Thirty … crikey. Well, I’m sure there’s been good times and affection. You must have loved each other once, as well as all the hurt and pain. You don’t suddenly forget everything you once had. I don’t know what the hell I’d do if Kev went off like that … murder him first and foremost, if he’d been playing around. But I’d miss him, us. You just get used to being together, don’t you? I think I’d even miss the damn bickering.’ Cath was nodding, glad she’d opened up. That she had someone beside her to chat with, discuss these difficult feelings. ‘And then Trev’s been messaging since his visit, all apologetic and caring. I don’t know what to make of it, really. It’s just stirring everything up again.’

‘Bet he’s regretting his decision to leave now the initial lust-filled passion has passed. He’ll be missing his home comforts. And I know how good your cooking is, too. I wouldn’t have left you.’

Cath had to smile at that. ‘Yeah, most likely … but you can’t just turn back time, not after all this. He’s burned his bridges.’ She sounded more resolute than she felt, but a lump had lodged in her throat. Why was she still feeling so sad about it all? It was like, now it really was over, they’d realised what they once had. The moving on had hit a rut in the road. ‘It’s tricky, isn’t it … relationships. I mean I love Kev to bits, mostly, but sometimes he drives me mad too. A lot of the time, actually. Sometimes you wonder, what if … ? What if I’d married that lad I used to go with, back in the day … or maybe found someone new?’ Nikki paused, stopping for a few seconds. Catching up, from a few paces behind, to stand by Cath’s side, she added, ‘This hill … is mean. What are you doing to me?’ She was panting, trying to catch her breath. ‘But then you think … is the grass really greener? Yep, you might get a slightly better-looking version, but then they might end up having all sorts of weird traits, and you’ve just swapped one lot of problems for another… It’s never going to be perfect, is it? And of course, me and Kev, we have the boys to think of.

Why would we go wrecking it all for them?’

Cath felt a dart of emotion hearing that. Had she gone and wrecked things for Adam even though he was an adult? Cath still felt that mum-guilt. But it was Trevor who’d changed everything, she reminded herself. He was the one who’d let them both down, after all. Confusion and hurt bled through her thoughts. ‘Yeah. Nothing’s ever simple in life.’

Nikki carried on moaning about the hike. ‘Have we still not reached the bloody top?’ But Cath could tell she was actually kind of enjoying it. It was nice to talk, the two of them, as they kept pace. Nikki opened up a little more too. ‘My lot, I just wish they’d sometimes stop and think what it’s like for me. Running around after them all the time. Dirty socks and jocks, sweaty PE kits. Where’s the romance and the fun in that?!’

Cath let out a chuckle.

Nikki changed tack, disconcertingly so, and started fishing about how Cath felt about Will. ‘So, what do you think of our resident widower, then? Bit of a dish, isn’t he? Now seeing him, that’s when I do wish I was single …’

After their eventful bike ride just two days ago, this was far too close for comfort. Cath felt herself flush, and it wasn’t just the uphill climb.

What did she think, indeed? He certainly made her heart beat faster, and they had been getting on well. Chatting with him at the last supper evening and on the bike ride was pleasant. In fact, it felt like she’d known him for a while, not just mere weeks. He was easy company, and yeah, she had to admit it … damned good-looking, which was nice. There was no more to it than that, though. And there was never going to be. ‘Yeah, he’s a nice guy,’ she answered simply.

‘You fancy him a bit, don’t you?’ Nikki probed. ‘You’d be daft not to. Go on, tell me.’ Nikki egged her on. ‘Look, a bit of gossip is the only thing keeping me going up this hill, right now. You owe me …’ She was grinning cheekily. ‘I won’t tell anyone, if you do. Your secret is safe with me, honest.’

Cath merely gave a knowing smile, saying, ‘Look, I’ve had my fill, and more, of heartache. It’s way too soon for me to get involved with anyone else. So, there’s nothing going to be happening on that front, sorry to disappoint you.’

‘Hah, so you do fancy him though. I knew it.’ Nikki looked delighted with herself; somehow, she’d managed to wheedle a bit of a confession out of her new friend.

‘Okay, yes, so he is quite pleasant on the eye …’ That was all Cath was going to concede.

‘Hah.’ Nikki grinned.

At last, they reached the summit. They stood taking in the panoramic view (and for Nikki extra gasps of air); the purple-brown shades of the Cheviot Hills rising behind them, a delphinium-blue sky dotted with puffy summer clouds above, a buzzard soaring over them, and the slight chill in the air, now that they were higher.

Cath had enjoyed the hike, finding the walking invigorating and the chat somehow freeing, letting her troubled thoughts have a voice at least. Nikki even admitted as they stood there, that it had been ‘nice’ to get out and do something different, as long as Cath didn’t get any ideas that they’d be doing this particular activity again any time soon.

‘Well, what goes up must come down,’ announced Cath with a smile, gesturing to the hillside track that wound down before them.

‘Thank Christ for that,’ said Nikki, adding, ‘And, all roads home lead to the pub.’

‘Hah, of course.’ Cath had a feeling the way back down was going to be far, far quicker.

Back at The Star in the village, they each had a glass of well-deserved wine, sat at a corner table by the sun-streamed window. The conversation had by now turned to easier topics, with the main point of discussion being the next supper event. Nikki was still in ‘thinking-cap mode’, apparently. She wanted to make it a fun night for everyone, and she and Lily were soon to have a planning session.

Back home at her cottage, after saying their goodbyes at the pub, Cath reflected that it had been a lovely couple of hours. She was left with a warm and heartening feeling that this particular friendship with Nikki could well blossom over time.