Page 67 of Christmas at Rachel’s Pudding Pantry

‘Well, let me think about it, and I’ll double-check with the school, all right?’

Petie had, in fact, been trained to the harness, as Simon, their farmhand, had wanted to put him into the Alwinton Show earlier that autumn as a fine example of the Cheviot breed. And knowing Petie, he’d do anything for a cobnut, so he should follow a bucket with ease. Rachel’s mind was already beginning to ponder the practicalities of the request.

But what Rachel hadn’t factored in was fresh hay in the manger and a crowd of friendly-looking spectators …

It was the evening of the nativity play at the Kirkton First School, and they were waiting in the wings of the school hall. Petie, the now rather large lamb, was in place next to Maisy and the two other five-year-old shepherds who were suitably attired in their checked tea-towel headwear and converted white-bedsheet outfits (Eve had proven very handy with her sewing machine when a panicked Rachel had called around, thrusting a costume disaster at her, offering to bribe her with sticky toffee pudding as payment).

Grandma Jill, Granny Ruth – who had insisted on coming out because she ‘wouldn’t miss Maisy’s play for the world’ – Tom, Eve and Ben were sitting out front in the audience, but Rachel had stayed in the wings wanting to make sure Petie didn’t miss his cue and that he was behaving himself. And so far, so good. The bucket of cobnuts was proving a hit and was keeping his attention just now.

Mary and Joseph had got to the stable in the story and were getting settled. The angels had been and it was soon to be the shepherds’ turn, just before the wise men played their part. There was a moment of panic when Maisy announced she needed a wee ‘bad’, so all three of them, including Petie, had to make a quick dash to the bathroom, and after a quick signal to the headteacher they held off the shepherds’ entrance with an extra chorus of ‘Oh, little town of Bethlehem’.

Just as they were getting back, Rachel spotted that Mrs Brown, who was on piano, was turning the hymn sheet, and from the first three chords chiming across the hall, she knew they were about to launch in to ‘While Shepherds Watched’ at any moment. It was time to hand the bucket, harness lead and lamb across to Maisy.

‘Good luck, Maisy and Petie,’ she whispered proudly, yet with a hint of trepidation.

‘Thank you!’ Maisy was beaming excitedly as she stepped onto the stage with her two compatriots plus Petie. Rachel decided to stay and watch from the wings to save any kerfuffle disturbing the other parents en route to her family.

And it all started well. The shepherds walked across the stage with a very obedient Petie, who followed Maisy and her cobnut bucket beautifully. The scene was set: Mary, Joseph, the three shepherds, a child in a cute cow costume, a large toy donkey – probably brought back from Spain as a holiday memento – and real sheep, Petie. Aw, Rachel even had a little tear in her eye as Maisy spoke her one line. ‘We are the shepherds, come to visit the new baby.’

The manger had been filled with lovely fresh hay and Baby Jesus was then placed in there by Mary as ‘Away in a Manger’ began. Which was when Petie got a whiff of the hay – and that was it. He lunged forward, and Maisy lost her grip on his lead rein as he took a big mouthful of the hay, toppling Baby Jesus out of the crib and across the stage, where he landed in a heap exactly on the words, ‘Laid down his sweet head’.

‘Oh sweet Jesus,’ was what slipped out of Rachel’s mouth at that point.

Petie then paused and looked out to see what looked to him like a field full of people in front of him. His curiosity piqued, and with a mouthful of hay still to finish and a few strands poking out of his lips, he duly leapt down from the stage (sheep can be surprisingly agile when they want to be!) and into the audience. Pandemonium ensued for a short while as he galloped merrily up and down the walkway and then in amongst the seated parents and children. Tom finally managed to catch him, grabbing him firmly by his halter, while Rachel left the shelter of the wings, bolted across the stage, and dashed up the aisle to join him and the errant sheep.

At that point, shepherd Maisy was standing on the stage with her mouth open, aghast. Mary had retrieved Baby Jesus from the floor and was rocking him, and the rest of the cast were giggling away. Maisy’s teacher Mrs Brown, on piano, had gone white, and the headteacher Mrs Stewart was calling for calm.

Just when they thought it was all over, Petie’s triumphant grand finale was to poo on the floor in the middle of the aisle of the school hall, much to the amusement of the crowd who were no longer able to stifle their laughter. Even Jill and Granny Ruth, who hadn’t been sure whether to laugh or cry initially, had tears of mirth streaming down their cheeks as Rachel and Tom and naughty Petie began to make their exit.

Rachel was mortified, muttering, ‘Sorry, sorry everyone,’ desperate to get the wayward beast back out to the car park and into his trailer and fast. Never, never again! she vowed.

And so the old piano fired up and the traditional nativity play came to a swift end with a rousing carol of ‘The First Noel’, which strangely sounded very like ‘Oh hell’ in Rachel’s frazzled mind.

‘Well, that was an experience!’ Tom couldn’t stop his laughter.

‘Bloody hell. I knew I shouldn’t have let her talk me into it.’ Rachel was still burning with embarrassment, wondering what the teachers were thinking.

They got Petie safely into the trailer and then they collapsed in the front seats of the Land Rover, where even Rachel had the curve of a smile on her lips, beginning to see the funny side of it.

Several minutes later the school doors opened and a flurry of people came out. Rachel and her family regrouped.

‘Oh Mummy, Petie was sooo naughty.’ Maisy was still a little in shock from the unexpected sequence of events.

‘Do we just go, or should I go back and apologise?’ Rachel was still somewhat concerned about the trail of nativity disaster Petie had left in his wake.

‘Why not call the school tomorrow?’ Jill suggested. ‘When the dust’s settled. I borrowed a dustpan and brush and I’ve already cleared all the poo up from the aisle, so there’s no real damage done.’

‘Only to Mrs Stewart’s pride. She didn’t look too happy,’ commented Ben with a wry smile.

‘Oh dear, oops.’ Rachel groaned aloud, still trying to take it all in.

‘Let’s make a swift getaway,’ said Tom, ‘and get this bad boy back in his field!’

‘Blimey, I nearly wished he’d gone off to you-know-where with all the others!’ Rachel was still feeling mortified.

‘And miss that? Never.’ Eve was still laughing. ‘Ah, my ribs are sore!’

‘That was brilliant, lass.’ One of the wise men’s dads came up and gave Rachel a friendly pat on the back. There was now much chatter and laughter in the school yard as the crowd spilled out.