Page 19 of Wanted: Rogues and Bards

The pirate took a bite and fell over, dead.

Hapi glared at the corpse on the kitchen floor. “If you’re going to act like a moron, you can stay dead.”

Fenric had to get out of the house. After a week of watching his companions drop like flies because they couldn’t keep Maxie’s cooking out of their mouths, he practically jumped at the chance to do some hunting.

Of course, he was quite used to shenanigans happening the second he turned his back. Those in his group were fairly strong men, all opinionated, with their own beliefs, et cetera, et cetera. Which really translated to Hapi not thinking twice about carving into inn floors to do blood rituals or Rain walking around without pants on and accidentally adding another exposure charge to his growing list of crimes.

The recent string of deaths was the main reason why Fenric had also taken Hapi with him. The necromancer kept threatening to leave them dead if they weren’t smart enough to not eat poison. Fenric also hoped the others would wise up if the guy who could bring them back to life wasn’t in the house.

Hapi seemed in a good mood as they walked side by side, which was strange. They’d stepped out today to hunt down an elk and had failed, so if anything, his friend should have been disappointed. The sun was shining overhead in a bright blue, cloudless sky. A gentle breeze rustled the leaves, pushing away the worst of the day’s heat and ruffling their hair. Even the forest had been quiet. They hadn’t spent their afternoon tripping over other hunters from Pomor looking to snag dinner. It was a nice day away from the insanity claiming their home ever since Maxie had come to live with them.

“Happy, Hapi?”

Hapi groaned and gave him a sideways glare. “That joke never gets old, does it?”

“It does not,” Fenric said with a shit-eating grin. “But seriously, I expected you to be disappointed since we didn’t find an elk. But you’re almost smiling?”

Which was a weird expression on Hapi’s face. The man had the worst resting bitch face Fenric had ever seen. It wasn’t that he was a melodramatic, gloomy soul, he just didn’t look happy most of the time.

“Puppy is…tolerable. He’s not nearly as annoying as some people,” Hapi admitted, which in Hapi speak meant pretty much every living creature in existence. Fenric also inwardly chuckled over how everyone had taken to using his nickname for their newest member. “It has been a long, long time since anyone treated my profession with respect and good-natured curiosity.”

“Ahhh.” Well, yeah, it made sense. Hapi normally faced scorn, even from other villains, but Fenric had always guessed it was fear based. They were worried Hapi might turn them into skeletons next, and there was very little they could do to stop him. Not that Hapi would, necessarily, without severe provocation. But the fear was there.

Hapi completely surprised him by tacking on, “I know this has been something of a trial period with him, regardless of what Malfas claims Ezlan says and his usefulness with poisons, but I think we should keep him.”

“Uh…okay?” Fenric couldn’t help his double take. Seriously, Hapi was not a people person, so him voluntarily saying this was something. Hapi didn’t trust anyone. While it usually felt like Hapi trusted Fenric more than most, even their relationship was strained at times. The elf had known Maxie just over a week, and Hapi was already arguing to make him a permanent member of E.V.I.L. That just seemed too strange. “You seriously like the kid that much?”

“It’s not only about liking him. I fear for him. He is too trusting.”

“Oh. Yeah, agreed. One hundred percent. I don’t believe for a second he can truly be a villain, he’s just too good natured for it, but…”

“But, indeed.”

“Well, he wants to stay with us, and everyone else seems to be on board.”

“Yes, well, as was pointed out recently, the boy already has a body count, and even if he isn’t actively trying to poison someone, his poisoned food could be a very lucrative business. Anyone who brings him a customer wouldn’t be out of line asking for a small finder’s fee.”

And there it was. Protect sweet Maxie from the world—and maybe protect the world from Maxie, at times—while making a bit of money on the side. Now things made more sense. It wasn’t that Hapi had suddenly developed a soft spot for the boy—he enjoyed being appreciated and possibly having a chance to make money.

Hapi’s lips twitched back into their usual annoyed frown. “Judging by what’s going on in the house right now, I imagine we’ll keep him so long as I can keep raising those idiots from the dead.”

Hapi was more sensitive than most, so it wasn’t a surprise he could detect what was going on in the rental house despite the fact they were still a good five hundred feet away.

“Shit.” Fenric sighed, already resigned to walking into chaos. “What are they even doing⁠—”

The rental house visibly rattled on its foundation, dust poofing out from the eaves. A thunderous roar rolled out from the structure, leaving Fenric wondering how it was still standing. Several people in the nearby houses scurried outside and looked up at the cloudless sky, probably thinking the world was cracking apart.

No, seriously, what were they doing?!

Truly worried now, Fenric ran the rest of the distance, intending to burst through the front door, only to be checked as the door was locked from the inside. And no, a locked door couldn’t stop him, but it was easier to just get someone inside to open it.

“—you either explain how you did that or I will get naked right now!” Malfas declared, voice rising.

“Malfas!” Fenric demanded, banging on the door. “Stop what you’re doing and let me in!”

“What’s the magic word~” he sing-songed.

Shit, there was a magic word? No, wait, this was Malfas, so— “Pumpernickel.”