Page 63 of Lord Gabriel’s Undoing

She shook her head back at him, with vigor. “On the contrary, I’ve been observing people for most of my life. When one stands back at a distance in a crowd, as I so often do, not liking to be surrounded by people, one sees much more than if one were amongst them. I watch their expressions, their mannerisms, the way they speak to one another. One can learn so much from doing that. So don’t think that because I seem some innocent girl who’s never been anywhere that I’m also ignorant, because I’m not.”

“And you think this experience of watching people has told you our Mr. Coolidge will succeed?”

She nodded, brushing aside her own doubts, which were many. “I think he will do his utmost to find your mother. And what’s more, I think he guessed the purpose of our mission. He’s an astute man, even though he’s from the lower classes, and I could tell he has a sharp brain. He may not find her living still, but he’ll find her for you. He’ll be a lot better at doing so than that old fence of yours, who’ll probably turn up with information about a woman he’s set up to pretend to be her so he can collect his reward. And I very much doubt Abner O’Hanlon has the intelligence to have worked out you’re seeking your mother.”

Gabriel appeared to ruminate over this speech for a few moments. Then his eyes lit up and a smile brightened his face. “You are such an optimist, my Lady Phoebe. One of life’s eternal optimists, in fact. And I shall endeavor to join you in your conviction that he’ll succeed.”

Phoebe swallowed. His face was so close, his lips so tempting. She longed for a repeat of the passionate kiss he’d given her in the curtained alcove at the ball. But he wasn’t going to kiss her again, and she knew why. He was convinced he wasn’t good enough for her. So something had to be done about that. On an impulse, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. Having done it once the night before, it wasn’t so hard the second time.

For a moment, he responded, his mouth opening and the beginnings of a deeper kiss beginning. Her heart swelled with love, every nerve tingled with electricity, and she forgot they were driving through London and people might be able to see them through the carriage windows.

Then he must have remembered himself and what he’d said earlier, for he jerked back away from her, as though she were red hot. “No. We mustn’t. It’s not fair to either of us.”

They were on Pall Mall now, other carriages passing them by, the pavements busy thanks to a rare day without rain.

“I don’t care,” Phoebe said in a rush, determined now to take this further. “I think I’ve fallen in love with you, and I can’t help it. All I want is to be with you, Gabriel, whoever your mother turns out to be. I know I’ve said it before. I know you’ve said you don’t think we’re equal. But I’ve said all along that I would marry only for love. And it turns out it’s you I love.”

Gabriel’s face contorted in pain. “You mustn’t say that. We can’t love one another. It’s impossible.” His voice was tortured. Did he love her back? If only she could get him to say so.

“But I do love you,” she repeated, desperate to hear him return the words. “And no one can help or change who it is they love.”

He shifted on the seat, moving away from her into the corner of the carriage, which wasn’t far. “I can’t love you, Phoebe. I can’t drag you down. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Tell me you don’t love me, then.”

He looked out of the window. “I can’t love you.”

“That’s not the same thing at all. Tell me to my face that you don’t love me.”

After a long pause, he turned his head and looked at her. His mouth worked for a moment, before he shook his head. “I can’t. You know I love you.”

He’d said it. She’d known it, but she’d wanted him to acknowledge it. Why were men such idiots? Cousin Tobias had always been a little childish when they were growing up together, Papa had had his moments, and now Gabriel was acting like a fool. How much better it was to be a woman.

She shifted after him, pleased that he could go no further. “You wouldn’t be dragging me down. I care nothing for what people think of me. You should know that by now.” She was aware she was gabbling but she wanted to get everything out. “All I want is to be with you. To help you with your orphanages. To save more children. I don’t want to attend balls and soirees and such like. You know what I think of them. I’ll be glad to leave that behind.” She took a breath. “I just want to be with the man I love.”

Their faces were very close. She gazed into his eyes, willing him to give in to her. She’d never wanted anything in her life as much as she wanted this.

*

Gabriel, his back up against the corner of the carriage, couldn’t drag his eyes away from the impassioned young lady whose delicious body was so closely pressed up against his own. He forgot the ache in his right arm. He could think of nothing but how he wanted her and how the world would be such a barren place if he couldn’t have her. She was more important to him than finding his mother, more important than saving orphans, more important than anything else in his life. And she was prepared to give up everything for him. If he’d needed proof of her love, this was it.

“No one need ever know what we find out about your mother,” she breathed.

How beautiful she was. How seductive in her naivety. Her lovely dark eyes glistened with unshed tears, her skin possessed an inner glow, the cheeks lightly dusted with a warm blush, her lips a little parted to reveal her perfect teeth. Never had he seen so lovely a vision. Other women were as nothing compared with her. He wanted her in every way possible. He wanted her physically, but he wanted her mind as well, her partnership for the rest of his life, her face beside his on the pillow on waking. Every morning for eternity.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “That would not be honest.”

She gave a little shake of her head. “Do you think I would care?”

He could no longer resist. He leaned forward and kissed her, and she threw both her arms around him, pulling him closer. This wasn’t like the alcove at the ball. They were truly alone in the carriage, the noise of the busy street receding as though it no longer mattered. Her mouth opened under his and one of her hands ran through his hair setting every nerve tingling. He couldn’t stop himself. His tongue explored her mouth and met hers and he felt the quiver of response in her body against his.

His one good hand slid up from her waist to find her right breast, and she gasped against his mouth and for a moment stiffened. Then their kiss deepened. Her fingers ran through his hair, her sweet scent was in his nostrils, and he wondered if he should tell Lovat to take a long detour back to Hill Street. A very long detour.

The carriage bumped over a pothole, breaking them apart, both of them gasping for breath.

“That was a much better kiss than last night’s,” she managed, her hand going to her throat. “I find I would very much like you to kiss me again. Just like that.”

But that ill-placed pothole had served to break whatever tenuous connection they’d had. He should never have kissed her. Neither last night nor today. It wasn’t fair. Not to her or to him.