Page 87 of On Your Knees

Levi just keeps combing my hair with his fingers, like he realizes that I’m not looking for an answer, not right now.

He says, “I have to check on the omelets.”

“Oh. Right.”

I get up and go with him to finish making breakfast.

As we’re eating, I become aware that Levi wants to talk to me about something, and it reminds me that not everything is easy for us.

I wait until he’s done eating, then I bump his knee with mine. The pensive look is startled off his face. He looks at me.

“What is it?” I ask.

“I just… wish I knew where you were yesterday.” His eyes drift down to his empty plate.

“Oh.”

His blue eyes flick back to me. “I was really worried.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Patrick was worried too.”

I think about the bottle under the sink. “Yeah. Um…” I trail off, trying to think back, trying to decide what to say.

When I left yesterday, I didn’t have a plan. I drove for a long time. I imagined Levi freaking out and asking Patrick to take him somewhere. Away. I imagined him calling the police.

It made me think through all the potential scenarios rolling out ahead of me. But every single one that I thought through ended the same way, and I realized that Ruby and John Clifford will never let the truth come out.

Ruby protected me from the police that night to protect Paul’s reputation. And she did that to protect the church and her place there. Her status. Her wealth.

But Ruby did more than lie that night. She and Henry Grigson and John Clifford moved Paul’s body. They staged a different murder—and they committed one. The homeless man saddled with the crime and the murder weapon was found dead, and that was no accident.

Grigson confessed before he died, but he confessed not to the church, which already knew, but to someone who would come after the church and report on it. His granddaughter’s husband, Daniel Jensen. A journalist.

But there’s still John Clifford and Ruby. Ruby is dangerous with words, but Clifford is the one who will act. He has even more to lose.

And when I realized that, I drove to the penthouse for my wallet and a suit. I’m sure Patrick checked the penthouse more than once, but he missed me, and he would never have thought to look for me where I went after.

I tell Levi, “I went to see my attorney.”

Levi frowns and thinks. “Because of what you told me yesterday?”

“Yes and no. Not like you’re maybe thinking. He doesn’t do criminal cases. I was updating my will.”

“What? Why?”

“Things have changed since I wrote it. I want you taken care of, no matter what.”

Levi’s frown turns into a scowl. “What do you mean ‘no matter what’? What kind of what? What do you think is going to happen?”

“I told you what I did.”

“You were a kid! And he was—” Levi cuts himself off when I tense up. He says instead, harshly, “He fucking deserved it.”

Some tight, pinched thing eases a little inside me, like I really needed to hear that. Then my eyes start to sting. I look away.

Levi’s fingers touch my knee. It’s a cautious touch, an asking one. I grab his hand. He starts to pull back, thinking that means no, but it means yes. It means come here—please. And he sees that. He comes to me. He swings his leg over me, straddling me, sitting on me, hugging me. I hug him back, burying my face against him. His face is buried against me too.