Page 44 of On Your Knees

“I’ve already given you an order, and you still haven’t followed it.”

He’s confused. He’s forgotten.

I remind him, “You’re supposed to be eating.”

“But—”

“Do as you’re told. Not all punishments are fun.”

Levi sighs. It’s a little bit sassy, but I let it go. His personality is just starting to emerge, and I’m not going to squash it. There are parts of him that are extremely tough—and other parts that are not.

He obeys me, and we go back to reading. I dread the prospect of dealing with my hard cock all evening, but my arousal fades to a low, comfortable heat.

When Levi finishes his second drink, I switch him to water. He’s already tipsy, and I don’t want him to feel like shit tomorrow. When he’s done eating, I eat what’s left. Then, when he falls asleep on the couch, I scoop him up, grabbing his book too, and carry him to my room. He wakes up enough that he wants to brush his teeth, so I go get the rest of his things from the guestroom, moving them into mine.

I’m aware, of course, that I’m acting really weird, and there’s a buzz of fear, deep down, about what will happen when all of this shatters.

It’s inevitable.

It’s the reason Patrick warned me last night.

But when I get back to Levi and watch him brushing his teeth, looking kind of shy about it because he’s not used to company, I realize that the fear is part of the appeal. I haven’t felt fear in a long time. I haven’t cared enough about anything.

I leave him alone for a few minutes while I go back to the kitchen to clean up and shut off the lights. When I return, he’s in bed, reading again. He glances at me, like he’s making sure that he’s allowed to be there, like he doesn’t understand that he’s required to be there. To make that clear to him, I close the door. He takes a deep breath and goes back to reading.

I finish getting ready for bed. Normally, I wouldn’t be getting in bed right now, but I want to watch him fall asleep again, so I sit up against the headboard and read on my phone.

It happens pretty quickly. Levi’s book drops softly onto his chest. As I watch the book rise and fall with his breathing, I realize how many things I wish I could’ve drawn today: Levi bound and blindfolded in the bondage chair, crying out at the sting of the whip. Levi bent over in that apron. Levi watching me from the couch while I made the sandwiches.

But it wasn’t possible to capture those images because me stepping outside of them would’ve changed them.

I pluck the book from Levi’s chest and reach over him to set it on the nightstand. I turn off the lamp and go back to reading.

It’s a very strange book, dark and weird and subtly erotic. There’s an otherness to it that I really like. It’s kind of ugly too, ugly and beautiful at the same time. I didn’t know fantasy could be like this. I haven’t actually read much of it. It wasn’t allowed in the Castle household.

It’s almost midnight when a text comes through, interrupting my reading. I’m in the middle of a sentence, so I don’t look at the preview that pops up. But as soon as I finish the paragraph, I open the message thread because I’m worried that it’s Patrick. I checked with his sponsor this morning, and she said he was with her, but shit can change in a day. Hell, it can change in a second—and it does.

Heart jumping, I stare at the message, another from Daniel Jensen:

Why did everyone lie about Paul Castle’s death?

FOURTEEN

Ethan

Patrick eyes me in the rearview mirror. “So what the hell is going on?

I drop my gaze to my phone. “Your job is to drive, not ask questions.”

“Where’s Levi?”

I pretend to scroll on my phone. “Is something wrong with your hearing, Patrick?”

He repeats more firmly, “Where’s Levi?”

“Still asleep. Now mind your own business. You’re so goddamn nosy.”

“Says the fucker who contacted my sponsor yesterday. You know I hate when you do that. I’ve got it, Ethan.”