Page 84 of Novice Girlfriend

Wyatt looked too lost still and I didn’t want him to hurt that way.

I didn’t want Quinn to hurt that way.

Before I realized what I was doing, I heard myself saying he should stay. The look he gave me wasn’t one of hope about our relationship. It was of such utter relief that he didn’t have to carry this alone that I felt better about saying it.

He had carried so much for me when I shouldn’t have even asked.

I knew I shouldn’t have asked him to be my priest when it was platonic. I knew that wasn’t fair, especially after everything that had gone wrong between us. That was too much to ask of him, but he still did it for me, and this was something I could do for him. Even if it was a gift that he received, it was still too much for him to bear alone.

I didn’t mean for him to necessarily end up in my bed, but maybe asking him to sleep on the couch was too much? I wasn’t sure, but it happened naturally somehow that we were lying in my bed facing each other.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered, as if worried he’d ruin the mood and maybe I’d ask him to leave?

No, this was genuine. Not something selfish and manipulative.

“Don’t tell me you’re okay,” he said gently when I opened my mouth. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine to say, but no one likes being brushed off. You know how that feels.”

I did. I nodded that I heard him and focused on his chest instead of his knowing eyes. I was glad he’d worn his shirt and hadn’t used this as some chance to let me see how hot he was or blur the lines between us. I really did.

Even if my mind was annoyed I’d missed the chance to see how hawt he was.

“It felt weird not talking to Winter today,” I admitted. “Things were so off yesterday and—every time we get our footing, it’s just gone again.” I snorted. “Any time I get footing with anyone, I feel that way.” I picked at my fingers with my nails. “Yesterday was Sergey’s night to sleep over. He didn’t. It felt like an end, not just…”

“I don’t think it is if you don’t want it to be,” he said carefully.

I nodded. “But Winter wanted a night and I was annoyed because he seemed to want it because Sergey had one. Now Sergey isn’t using his and Winter isn’t around. My brain is making connections that probably aren’t fair but feel valid. You know?”

He snorted. “Yeah, I know, Bev. That was half of our problem. The connections we make are programmed into us to think the worst because we lived that as always being the right answer.”

I realized he hit the nail on the head perfectly. I nodded. “There’s proof though, so it’s not just me being crazy or like looking for drama like I hear guys accuse girls. I always feel so jumbled inside.”

“Bev, you never dated and then five of us all came at you.” He gave me a look not to even argue about Nigel because even if we were just friends, there was a pending future date basically.

“I don’t know it can be Nigel,” I finally admitted, shocking him. I gave a half shrug. “He keeps too much of himself from me.”

I huffed and sat up and just told him where I was. How everything went wrong with Kelton because he didn’t listen to me and we both got so hurt, people blaming my inexperience. Now Sergey and I just sometimes felt like the people who had families I could never connect with. I was definitely talking to the right person when he snorted.

I went on about Nigel wanting something more from me, but I didn’t even know where he was that week, so it was just too much and overwhelming. I felt like people asked everything from me—about me—and didn’t give the same back. And people wanted me to pick points of my stars, but then I didn’t feel like I was getting as much from them as I was giving.

They knew so much about me and I felt half the time that I just wasn’t getting the same. But then I didn’t know if that was fair when they were giving so much to my drama and maybe if that wasn’t a factor then they would take the time to tell me about themselves and show me who they were?

Basically, I just didn’t feel good about all of it and probably sounded as silly as I looked when I stomped my foot.

“Bev, first, the foot-stomping thing is adorable because you realize how childish it is,” he said gently. “You’re not doing it for attention or trying to be a cutesy dipshit. You’re trying to learn how to handle your emotions and express yourself. Plus…” He cleared his throat and looked away.

I didn’t make him say it because Emma had already explained to me the way I got all flustered and stormed off with all the best parts of me bouncing turned guys on. No, I didn’t understand that, but whatever. I didn’t push it.

And neither did he, so I appreciated that.

I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep, but I did because I woke up with him spooning me.

He was already awake and he kissed my hair, clearly knowing I had woken up. “I regret this is the first time we’re waking up this way. I really do. It should never have been like this when I had the chance to treat you better and experience this in the best ways.” He kissed my hair again before letting me go. “But thank you so much for letting me stay over.”

I appreciated him not pushing it. I mumbled that he was welcome and then asked if he was doing better when we were out of bed. He said he was and I believed it. Losing the ability to talk to Quinn obviously still hurt, but he seemed more settled with it.

More accepting that it was about getting back to normal… Until someone I wouldn’t have expected was sitting in the kitchen.

“Well, this just got complicated,” Kevin Rose drawled as he glanced between us. He was Kelton’s older brother and I had no idea why he would be there when I should already be at school.