Page 76 of Novice Girlfriend

“That’s horrible,” I rasped, hugging him tightly.

“Him cutting out would be even worse. He said that. He said if he didn’t get to tell me in his voice one last time he loved me, that he would have never stopped crying.”

Then we cried together. That was so Quinn.

“So you took care of him and then realized there was no one to take care of you,” I whispered after we’d settled again.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad. I hurt for you,” I told him as firmly as I could when so upset as well. I kissed his hair. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to deal with this alone. This was—it wasn’t a gift.”

“It was. It so was, even if it hurt in the end.” He nodded when I started to argue. “It’s like how I hear humans talk about having their pets. They know they’ll lose them after a decade—maybe they’ll be lucky and have them two, but then it’s the worst pain of their lives losing them. But they wouldn’t trade that pain for the love and time they had.”

“And that’s what this was?”

“Yes. Getting this week hearing him was everything. This pain will fade and I’ll keep the memories.” He hugged me closer and snuggled his face against my neck. “I just couldn’t deal with this alone. I’m sorry, but you were the only one who knew, and I couldn’t let Quinn carry this when I’d…”

Made sure he was okay.

“Sorry,” he whispered again, realizing how bad that sounded.

“It’s okay,” I promised, thinking of the conversation I’d just had. “Winter just asked me recently to never make him choose between him and his familiar. I would never with any of you. When it was something I needed, you and Quinn were there and adjusted. This is what it should be, and a familiar doesn’t understand what we do.”

“You are so much more amazing than you can ever understand,” he whispered, and I felt his lips brush my skin, but I honestly thought it was just because of how close we were. “I feel like I lost a part of myself. Why does everything good have to hurt? I thought I understood why you cry when people call what you do a miracle, but I didn’t.”

“No, it’s a separate pain,” I agreed and just held him. I thought about what he said about humans and their pets. Sure, familiars could die, but they were meant to live as long as their witch or warlock.

How did humans deal with that? Even if they didn’t hear them and have the same connection, going in and knowing they would suffer such pain sounded insane.

Then I felt silly. I knew this pain.

I told Wyatt about Clarence, the frog from my family’s arboretum, and how scary it had been to realize I’d really heard him. How much I’d loved that frog and how many times he’d saved me. How hard it had been to leave all of them and why I’d been so crushed when my mother had sent me his dead body.

But then going with Winter and laying him to rest where he should have been all along was nice. It still hurt, but maybe I did understand the humans because I wouldn’t trade that pain for anything, not just because Clarence saved me. Not because he thought the gods gave him a longer life to help me.

All of it. All of my friends at that house.

“I wish I’d had that growing up,” Wyatt muttered. He was playing with my hair now. We’d changed how we were sitting sometime during my talking. I wasn’t really on his lap, but had my legs over his and I was tucked in the corner of the sofa. He was staring out beyond the balcony and had taken down my hair, playing with it absently as he listened.

“What was it like growing up for you?”

He was quiet a few moments. “Can I tell you another time? I will, but that wound—I can’t open it today.”

“Fair. Sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. Thank you for caring and wanting to know, especially when I wasn’t there for you when I should have been. I was selfish.”

“You weren’t.” My heart hurt when he snorted. I tried to make him look at me, but he wouldn’t, so I climbed over him and moved into his view. “Wyatt, you weren’t. You’ve always come when I’ve called. I could have called. I was okay.” I moved my hands to his cheeks and gave him a sad smile. “I’m okay. I wanted you to have every second of this.”

“Thanks, Bev. Really.” He let out a long, shaky breath. “Should we surface?”

I studied him a bit more. “I think you need more time. Let’s get some food and maybe just watch the drama unfold?”

Relief filled his eyes. “Thanks.”

So that was what we did. I went downstairs and raided Clare’s meal prep. She gave me a worried look and clearly knew who was there. She asked if this was about the lawsuit thing with his brother.

“I don’t think he even knows about that,” I sighed. “No, it’s my shit that leaked over to him kinda. He just needed a day and somewhere safe to break.”