Page 44 of Novice Girlfriend

I stood and moved away from the table and closer to my guard, everyone there freezing, especially because the table had been between Nina and me. “I’m so tired of everyone being such hypocrites. Telling me not to allow people to cross lines with me and then crossing them with me.”

Nina and even Sergey started arguing and I stomped my foot, flinching when I realized how childish that felt.

“Taylor got something just as fucking crazy and he didn’t have to know where I got it,” I snapped. “He handled it. He asked what I could tell him. He passed the test. You don’t have to know anything, Nina. You want to. There’s a difference and honestly, I’m disappointed in you too. I told you that I couldn’t tell you. I told you that—”

I headed for the door, giving Winter a hurt look when he stopped me until I saw the understanding in his eyes.

“I agree. Full stop, little sexy,” he said gently. “And you have every right to storm out of here.”

“But?” I hedged.

“You asked for help on how to make things less complicated for you, and this is where I would make a change.” He waited for me to nod. “Say now what you want before people decide for you. Don’t give anyone here the room to make decisions or assumptions about what comes next.”

That was smart. Really smart.

“Thank you.” I let out a slow breath and turned to face the room. “This topic is done. I’m not telling you more than I did. Do with it what you will. I’m also not doing sessions with you anymore.”

“That seems like a punishment because she was demanding,” Sergey muttered.

I met his gaze and didn’t hide my hurt. “They require trust and clearly we don’t have it. I also need to feel safe with the person and I don’t. I gave enough—gave her what she just said was priceless…” I moved my hands to my hips and lowered my head, trying not to cry. “I don’t need to explain myself. So fucking unfair.”

“No, you don’t,” Nina actually agreed. “It’s your magic and abilities. You shouldn’t ever need to explain when you don’t share them. I would tell you that if it wasn’t me. Sergey would as well.”

“Yeah, he would. Everyone does until it involves them or the people they want to use me for,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “I need to not be alone with you. That’s what I need. We’ll see if and when it changes.” I raised my head and met her gaze. “I’d do some soul searching though because you still haven’t asked the question Taylor did and I’m scared for you.”

People were confused and Tracey sighed. “‘What can you tell me?’ is what he asked.” She gave me a look. “You know they’re going to jump all over him now.”

“They shouldn’t, and that’s part of the fucking problem with this supposedly being the good guys,” I said firmly, feeling bad for giving her attitude but like… I also felt valid.

“What can you tell me?” Nina asked, her voice worried.

I met her gaze. “That it was a reward and a test. That was the impression I was given.” The people there froze. “Yeah, so maybe you should have paid better attention when I said what I said because I made it pretty clear why I couldn’t tell you anything. You got the reward, but I’m really sure you failed the test, Nina. And no, I don’t know what that means.”

She swallowed loudly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t think it’s me you have to apologize to on that one.” I gave a half shrug and left, comforted when Winter came with me.

Sergey followed after us, moving in my way before I reached the front door. “You don’t understand how hard this is, Bev. You have no idea how difficult it is not to have answers and—”

“I don’t understand?” I blasted, not even able to control the hysterical edge of my voice. “Are you out of your fucking mind right now? Are you kidding me? I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard anything so stupid ever spoken to me before. Ever.”

I felt a bit better when he winced, but I wasn’t remotely done.

“All I have are questions and no answers. You have questions? Awesome. Now multiply the ones you have by a hundred and that’s where I stand. You want to know about that box and what it all means? I do too. Taylor’s thing too. And the other shit. And more. And this thing. And what the bridges mean. And this. And the other thing. And the list.

“There’s so much that I can’t sleep so many nights it’s ridiculous and my dreams are fucking toxic too often. And all of you lecture me to let more go. Pass more off. Relax more and have fun. But be careful who I trust and keep the answers to myself.” I jabbed my finger in his chest. “Oh, but not with you, right? Just give you the answers that could get me punished by the gods.”

He wrapped his larger hand around my finger, not letting me pull it away when I tried. “That’s not what I meant.”

I met his gaze and showed him that, for the first time, I didn’t believe him. “Yeah, you did. We both know it. Just this once. Just make it easier on your mom so she doesn’t have to carry it. So you don’t have to deal with the questions.” I yanked my hand away. “How—”

“What he said was ridiculous, but I don’t know that’s what he’s saying,” Winter interjected. “I think it’s maybe just what it feels like because this is such a burden on you and he’s being selfish about that.” He pointed at Sergey when he opened his mouth. “You are. You’re being selfish and picked your mom in this.

“I’m not sure I even judge you on that because you’ve known Bev a few months only. I don’t know. I’ve never had parents, so I don’t know the right answer here or how it really works. I think you could have been more neutral. I’m being fair though, man, so chill and let her walk away and accept Nina went over the fucking line here. Big time.”

“I know she did,” he snapped but still backed away. “I know, and I’m disappointed in her too.” He met my gaze. “I am. I’m furious she put her hands on you. I never thought that of Momma. Sharp and maybe rude to you at times? Yes, because that’s the Russian way. But—this whole thing is so fucked and the layers are…”

“You’re stuck in the middle and I understood that from the beginning,” I mumbled. “That’s why I tried to exclude you, not make you choose a side. I didn’t see Nina trying to make you choose either, Sergey. Just step out of it.”