Page 92 of Monster. Me.

Feeling slightly frantic, I go back to my room. Rupert isn’t there. Recently we’ve been carefully avoiding each other, and he spends most of his time in Caspian’s staff room, of course together with Juan.

I take my clothes off. I don’t know the layout of the facility well yet, but even if I have to spend hours in those damn ventilation ducts, I’ll find him and figure out what’s going on.

After shifting, I jump into the vent. I’ll really have to push myself to get there; at least that’s what I expect, but it turns out to be strangely easy, because I know exactly which direction to go. It’s intuitive, like I have a map drawn inside me. I can simply tell where Fenn is. How strange…

I take the right corridor, then the next branching path, and I know I’m getting closer and closer.

Something builds up inside me, a fear, strange and suffocating, almost painful in my chest.

Finally I’m there.

I find the correct grates. I have a view of a huge laboratory hall with rows of different devices and a massive chamber in the middle, somewhat resembling a CT scanner but much larger.

I immediately spot the thin figure of Dr. Lomax standing at a control station, in front of a huge monitor showing several feeds, including the inside of the chamber in different filters, probably from various sensors scanning it.

At the chamber entrance stands, who else, Fenn Drax.

In front of him stands an alpha.

The alpha is naked… and hard.

I hear Fenn say to him:

"Are you ready?"

The alpha nods.

And then they both enter the chamber, whose central point is a fairly wide bed. Fuck!

I turn away abruptly, my throat tightening. I can’t watch this, I can't!

So it’s true, what that bastard said. Fenn has no other option, but that doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking, or tear me into pieces any less, because once again in my life it’s the same. Everyone I ever pinned my hopes on ends up kicking me aside, sleeping with someone else, choosing a different boyfriend.

I can’t stand it.

With a choking feeling in my chest, I run away from there. I don’t want to watch him give that alpha what he gave me and what I thought was something special.

I don’t even know how I get back to my room, because everything is spinning in my head, and even in my cat form my eyes are getting wet.

I jump out of the grate and shift into human form, but right then I hear the sound of a shower. Has Rupert already come back?

I quickly pull my clothes on just in time as Rupert walks into the room.

"Oh, I didn’t know you were back," he says, and then an awkward silence falls.

The storm inside me surges, tosses me around, tears at me, and then it suddenly spills out of me: a decision made in emotion, but strangely fierce, because I’m at my limit.

"Yes. I’m back. I have bad news. I’m leaving this program." Even saying those words makes me choke, my throat tightening. "I know we had a deal, but something happened—" I cut off, fighting hard so my voice doesn’t falter. I don’t want to share it with him, not with that asshole. My jaw is shut tight.

Rupert steps closer.

"I know you hate me, but I can see it. You’re shaking all over."

Well, I’m boiling inside, for sure. A true blizzard is raging inside me, and it takes a lot of effort not to let it spill out.

"It just didn’t work out between me and Fenn. I’m getting out of here."

I say shortly, clenching my fists so hard my nails break through the skin and draw blood. The pain clears my head a bit. I steady myself and move toward the closet to start packing.