Page 29 of Spring Guardians & Songbirds

I had gone blind. Why was I seeing the stubble in his usually clean shaved jaw, the half inch longer hair he meticulously kept at a certain length, the dark around his eyes, the shadow of fear curving down his mouth.

“Cai,” I stood to approach him, and he took a step back from me.

“I have to get back to Kvan, Cori still needs help to move the Fogling bodies out of the village before they rot and attract other wild animals.”

“I am sorry.” The words still tasted sour in my mouth, but it was somewhat easier than before to drag them out. “For not letting you know. For letting you think something had happened to me.”

He halted and gave me a half look behind his shoulder. “So am I, Snow. So am I.”

Alaric had pursed his lips in thought. “Bring the boy to Taren. It is tradition that he meets me.”

I rolled my eyes, and he pointed a finger in warning like I was five. “He is not a boy,” I tried to say calmly.

“Even worse,” he bellowed, his thick Dravan accent barely making him comprehensible. “And you’re married to him for Nubil’s sake. I warned you well, hen. Told you that marrying the boy comes with great trouble. You know our traditions well though you pretend not to. Things changed the moment you let him live and that bargain sealed the deal.”

“It’s a bargain and I have nine others just the same.”

“Well, are you married with the other bargainers, kid? You had a great grandfather down the line who married a few men and women all together. A grand lot that was.”

I groaned and turned my attention to the quiet mouse, Nia, holding her laughter by the corner of my room. “Since I am told to bring him home, why haven’t you asked Nia here to bring Moriko to meet you?”

Nia’s face fell and a red flush climbed almost up to her hairline. “W-what?”

Alaric’s bushy brows bunched, his attention bouncing back and forth between Nia and I. “Why would she bring the Autumn Queen to meet me?”

Nia launched at me before I had a chance to answer and tell him how his youngest daughter was spending more than meeting hours her emissary duties concluded, and that the other night she didn’t even return from Hanai.

“Alright, that’s enough!” Alaric shouted while Nia and I wrestled on the ground.

I started giggling first, overwhelmed with emotion all of the sudden. Nia was panting from our scuffle when she dropped on the ground beside me, laughing too. The door of my room slammed shut alerting Alaric’s departure.

“Thank the gods,” she whispered. “Sometimes, a lot of times, I think I lose you inside there.” She rested a gloved finger on my temple. “The thing with Kilian, finding out about Thora and Eren, Murdoc and the council.” A tear slid from her eye. “My…my father. All those things would have made me lose my mind. Just when I think you might, you always return to me. Thank you.”

Turning on my side, I gathered her body in my embrace. “That was the cringiest thing I’ve heard. My toes can’t uncurl.”

“I think you like a bit of sugar in all the poison,” she said.

Silence ran in the room for a short while before I asked, “Are you well, truly?”

“I think I am. Mostly. I think I’ll soon get better.”

“And Mor, have you told her about him?”

“Yes,” she said quietly. “I trust her.”

Trust. To Nia that was more important than care or love or anything else. If she trusted Moriko, it meant that she really liked the woman. “That is good.”

She shuffled and turned to her side to look at me. “What will you do?”

“For now, I’m going to find my most scandalous night dress and have my fill of his frustration. He might be the Obscur Asteri, but he is just a man after all.”

She giggled. “Wear that thing that you bought in Fernfoss and the lacy stuff that the courtesan in Taren gave you.” She pushed up on her elbow, looking down at me. “I’m really sorry, for not telling you when I found out who he was.”

I shook my head. “I would have killed him then and ruined everything.”

“Do you still…care for him?” she asked carefully.

Like a bucket of ice spilling over me, the rush of hate flooded through me. “No, but at times I forget that I hate him. That has to be worse than still caring for him. And he did that to me. Made me feel ashamed of my own self for even daring to feel.”