Page 257 of Spring Guardians & Songbirds

“She is your goddess, Mor, figure it out yourself,” Snow said, heading inside the room again.

I caught Visha still looking at me. An indecipherable look on her face.

“Why are you here?” Snow asked, taking a seat.

The Autumn Queen sat across Snow. “I am told about the changes to your plan.”

“Nia is quick.”

“I am quicker,” Mor said, coldly. “If you chose to pursue those goals, I will pull all of my support given you. I cannot in good heart watch you do what your father was about to do.”

“By all means,” Snow said. “Do as you find fit.”

Moriko turned to me. “You are going to let your wife do this?”

“She is free to do as she wishes, and she is not my wife.” It hurt to utter those words aloud.

The Autumn Queen shook her head and rose to leave, reaching onto her pocket for some type of white root. “Nia told me you would be needing this. It will help you breathe underwater. Consider this the last thing I will do for you.” She left, without bidding goodbye.

I stood too.

Snow did not spare me a single glance. I’d lost her—I’d lost her again.

“Wait,” someone called, chasing behind me. Thora was panting as she reached me. “Wait.”

“Mal will return with you. I will see you at dinner.”

She caught my arm. “You can stop this, Kilian. I know you can. You can convince her. I know how she looks at you. I know there is something there. I just know it. Please, please. I know…I know you can stop her.”

“Thora, I don’t want to stop her.”

She frowned and her stare shivered with confusion and hopelessness. “What…why?”

“I gave her my promise.”

Chapter thirty-nine

Illunis

Snowlin

Dawn was finally bright in Olympia. The lands had not seen the skies change colour for the past two years. And this was all thanks to him. He’d made it possible for my people to live under the clear colourful skies of our god. It almost felt unreal.

I was beyond tired from lack of sleep, and exhaust was settling heavy over my bones from spending days chasing the Adriatian sceptre piece with Visha and Mal. My body had given up on this long ago, but there was no convincing my thoughts. I worked for this half of my life. Days and night and more days and nights, I’d spent calculating every move of mine. I’d played the realm as I played chess. By my own damned rules. And I was winning. I was so close to winning. But now I was playing a game I didn’t even want to play anymore. And I was still winning.

Someone stood beside me. “You probably don’t want to see me right now, kid,” Alaric said. “But you have to give this old man a chance to say something before you leave on this journey. In this life, I don’t regret anything more than words unsaid. I lost someone I deeply loved because I was too afraid to say what I wanted to say. Even though I will make sure to be with him in heavens and explain that to him, you’ve tempted the hells too much for comfort.”

That made me chuckle.

He took a deep breath and continued, “The day you were born was the hottest day of the realm, yet the skies thundered like heavens were about to crack open for all of us to see. Your mother knew Eren was not an Elding though you all have the blood of Zephyr. She knew you were the moment she felt you squirm in her belly. And she was terrified of the burden you would hold on your little shoulders. So terrified, she couldn’t bear to look at you. Serene couldn’t spare herself a glance without guilt. Your mother planned a great deal of things. She took much responsibility upon her—”

“Except for raising her children. I wanted her guilt, Alaric. I wanted crumbs from her If I could get them.”

“You have to understand.”

“I’m done understanding. There was nothing to understand. You were there. Mended my wounds, helped me to sleep, fed me, brushed my hair—you were my mother and my father. And I appreciate you so much for it, but I needed her, too. What she and you owed me was the truth, to the three of us. It was one thing to be raised as Silas Krigborn’s monster and another to convince yourself that I was the monster that many spoke of, that he wanted to create. To hate myself.” Shakily, I peeled my gloves back and showed him my palms. “To hate and hurt that monster because it was the only way to control it.”

Gently, he took my hands in his and tears flooded his eyes, his mouth trembling. He studied each and every scar, his expression shattering with each look. This was why I’d never done this. “Forgive me, kid. Forgive me.” He shook his head. “How have I not known this?”