Page 207 of Spring Guardians & Songbirds

She already had a family. A beautiful family.

Would we ever fit in that?

My presence felt ugly, malign. Unwanted.

A winged woman dropped from the skies and I jerked a little. She was clad in all grey, leather armour and an expression as hard as her armour. “My queen, might I have a moment. Sebastian is here with news regarding Grasmere.”

My sister nodded and then threw me an apologetic look. “Tonight. I will see you tonight.”

Snow was queen. She had duties and responsibilities, and she was fighting off our father. Again. And again. As if it hadn’t been enough back then when she fought him for the three of us, tooth and nail, head-to-head.

“Tonight,” I said, and she backed away, disappearing with lightning.

“So,” Malik said, looking between Eren and I. “Who's the dragon and who’s the dire wolf?”

Penelope, who I found to be uncle Lys’s daughter, had found me a pretty, long sleeved, blush dress that had belonged to my mother. The satin was cool over my skin and when I spun on my toes, the fabric floated wide around me. I’d always wanted to try doing that. She’d brought me one of my mother’s diamonds as well, but I kept the amber stone that rested delicately over the square neckline of the dress.

A gift.

For me.

It is meant to be a good night for us. To gather and celebrate our reunion. The one I’d prayed so hard for. Yet I was dreading it because I couldn’t even cast a minute glance out of the castle windows without feeling like I couldn’t breathe.

“Hey,” Nia said, holding my hand tight. “I will fade us there. You won’t have to see a single height.”

Despite being extremely grateful, that made me flush with embarrassment. But Nia was warm and kind like no other, she had not pried more even though she knew of my vice. Snow on the other hand wanted to, only held back by Nia considering what I heard on the balcony last night. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to lie to her if she asked me. I always lied terribly. The only secret I’d ever kept in my entire life had been the one about our magic. And more often than I liked to remember…I’d almost failed to keep even that.

“Do you have something that could help me, like a potion? For height sickness?”

Nia pursed in thought for a moment. “There is something, but is it the height that bothers you or something else?”

Nice try. “The height,” I said confidently, and it seemed like she believed me. I didn't want to lie to her, it felt wrong.

She nodded. “I’ll get you something.”

Snow strutted in the room dressed head to toe in red and a little ‘wow’ formed on my mouth. The gown she wore was something I’d never seen on anyone before—flimsy silk and delicate gold chains with little bright rubies decorating it. Mother’s silks were beautiful but far too modest compared to what Snow was wearing. Mother’s frame was modest, too, Snow was much taller and fuller than her. My sister was beautiful.

“They grew,” I said, and the two friends blinked confused before I pointed to Snow’s cleavage.

Snow grabbed her breasts and stared down at them. “They did. Why didn’t yours?”

The comb I held flew in her direction without warning, hitting her straight on the head.

She chuckled. “We’ll look for them, do not worry.”

Just seeing her smile like that and joke so lightly made me fly to my feet and wrap myself around her again for the one hundredth time today. The Snow I remembered had never been like this. Had never smiled at me like this.

She held me tight. “Do you hate it here?”

“No,” I said truthfully. “I don’t hate it at all. It’s just so high up.”

Her fingers brushed the rose-coloured silk band on my hair. “You could have stayed down in Fernfoss, but there are too many Isjordian soldiers roaming around.”

As always, even thirteen years later, she was my blanket and my shield. She’d always protected me with all she had, even if all she had were bones and flesh—she’d used her own body to save me from harm. Did she resent me for it? For being the burden she didn’t want to bear when she was fighting all sorts of her own demons and father. Had my sister hated me? “I will be alright, Snow. I think I’ve never been better.”

Her brows gathered for a moment, and when she glanced at Nia she straightened her expression and gave me a smile. “Let’s go.”

Nia faded the three of us before a massive tavern spilling with raucous laughter, sounds of stringed instruments and clicks of cups. From the howling breeze beating around us, I could feel how high up we were, and it terrified me.